Insatiable
by ReNut
Summary: "I am no Mockingjay, she thought and covered her face with her hands, trying desperately to block any form of light off her eyes so she could concentrate. The slight smell of sea and salt on her hands got her to drop them to the sides of her body immediately. Even the shower couldn't wash her guilt away."
1. Insatiable

**A/N -** _I couldn't help myself, I just fell in love with these two over the past month and well I was trying to get a hold of good lemon Finnick/Katniss fics and there weren't as many so just yeah, here's my input :) **Rated M for a reason (there's a whole pitcher of freaking lemonade in here. I warned yah)**. Also that's a one shot unless I'll figure out a way to even continue this. I adore reviews. Enjoy!_

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**Insatiable**

"Untangle it", Finnick said without sparing a single glance at her as he hurled the knotted rope at her. She caught it with one of her hands and examined it without asking any farther.

"Look for the weak spot", he instructed after a couple of moments, reassuring her it's solvable. And then the knot was undone with a single pull and a smirk spread lazily across her face for a slight second. He finally glanced at her, an approving weak smile on his face.

"Not bad, Katniss. Now tie a knot that will take me more than five whole seconds to untie", he dared her. She looked at him and nodded, accepting the challenge with her eyebrow raised.

They used to just sit there for hours each and every day, ignoring their tight schedule etched on their arms. This was them, mentally unstable together, balancing each other with knots and untangling them like each untangled rope solves their endless issues. From Coin, to Peeta, to Annie and then back to Snow and the games. This was them, avoiding, yet dealing with it all at once.

"Done", she announced loudly whilst tossing the rope back at him. He moved quickly and caught it with his teeth, winking wickedly at her.

"Why look at that", he said while examining the knot, untangling it with a single pull of his teeth. "That was almost worthy of my admiration, girl on fire", he noted and gestured to the now straight rope. She refrained from snorting.

"I'll never be as good as you", she shrugged.

"With enough practice, you might", he simply replied, gazing over at her while making another knot.

"Here", he said, tossing the rope back at her, "my father taught me this one". She grabbed it quickly and twisted it between her fingers, around and around.

"You have got to be joking. This is impossible", she said, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Keep going. Look for the-"

"I know, I know. The weak spot", she replied impatiently.

"You may want to lie down. It helps", he instructed, looking at her every move.

Katniss tilted her head with a questioning look, but decided to follow his instructions and rested her head on the floor. The coldness of the hard stone reminded her of where she was, deep under the ruins of the 'old' district 13.

"Focus", Finnick said when he sensed she's got lost in thoughts again.

They do that once in a while, get lost in their own nightmares and horrors they keep seeing at night and even during the day. The faces of the deceased and the captives, of their loved ones and the mutual enemies, floating around, refusing to leave. And then they send this thick lifeline, helping each other rise above the surface back to their ugly grey reality in which they're helpful as nut shells, not able to save whoever is still alive.

"I can't find the damn spot", she ranted as soon as she got back to reality, using Finnick's voice to trail back up.

He moved over to her and rested his chin on her lifted knees.

"Put it just above your nose and look at it until you can't hold without blinking anymore", he guided her. She followed the instructions, and huffed frustrated when he hovered over her, tracing the lines of the knot, making her focus on his hands instead of the actual rope.

His gentle, yet big hands mesmerized her as she completely forgot about her initial challenge. And then it hit her.

She looked right back at his emerald sea eyes, the same ones that kept searching hers.

She opened her mouth in order to say something, but all she could focus on were his fingers, moving from the rope to trace the lines of her jaw, up to her lips. Formulating any words seemed impossible at the moment.

"You found it", Finnick whispered, his brows furrowed.

"I found it", she repeated silently.

Finnick tilted his head and looked at her like he was seeing her for the very first time, the vulnerable and beautiful woman behind the fierce and feisty image of hers.

Finnick moved closer to her and reached for her ear. "We found it", he murmured. His hot breath on her ear sent a shiver up her spine.

With his nose still buried along the crook of her neck, teasing her soft skin, he reached for the rope and untangled it with a swift single motion. A groan left Katniss's throat as she watched the rope come undone under his touch, feeling the urge to become that rope in an instant.

His lips widened into a knowing lustful smirk as he kissed her neck just once, tasting the skin he didn't realize he longed for a seriously long time. Katniss's breath hitched as she cupped Finnick's face with both of her hands, bringing him back to where he was, back to where he should be. She nodded briefly and pulled him down for a mesmerizing kiss, tasting the sea salt yet sweet lips of his. Finnick sighed heavily into her lips. He couldn't help himself and deepened the kiss quite immediately as he brushed his tongue across her lower lip, requesting for entrance. Her own tongue darted out without hesitation, greeting him as a response.

He traced his fingers over her quite visible cheek bones, a reminder of her former life in district 12, where she would starve for the sake of her sister's health. He wanted to tell her how much he admired her. He wanted to tell her she managed to ignite a fire in the pit of his stomach the first time he saw her on the television screen while lying in bed with another woman who was using his services as a doll of the Capitol. He wanted her to know how much he needed her right in that moment, and that's one thing that has become possible due to their current position. She started tagging at his grey shirt, lifting it up a little, exposing his muscular abdominal skin for her hand to touch. Her hand practically burned on his skin, leaving hot trails wherever it went.

He pulled away from her, breathless, and pulled his shirt over his head, never breaking their eye contact. Katniss immediately seized the moment and spread her palms all over his chest, feeling his muscles come to life under her touch. He moved his hand to lift her shirt a bit, tracing the lines of her belly button. They didn't kiss; they just touched one another and watched the tender expression in each other's eyes, testing the friction between their heated bodies. Finnick's hand trailed up, his fingers tracing the sides of her breasts before cupping them both, gently squeezing them beyond the offending material of her bra. Katniss gasped and shifted in order to push him off of her towards to floor so she could straddle him.

Finnick grabbed her waist and watched her removing her shirt and unclasping her bra in a bold move right after. She made it harder for him to breath and he could feel his lower regions twisting in agony. She put her hands on his, guiding them back to her breasts. He responded rather quickly and squeezed them again, groaning when he felt the soft skin filling his palms completely, her soft nipples becoming rock solid and seeking for attention under his touch. She reached down to kiss him once again. She wanted him to lose control just this once, to make love to her like the true, modest, kind Finnick, and not the Capitol made puppet with the fake, famous smile. He took over and flipped them around so he was on top again, kissing her with more passion than before if even possible.

He moved down to her jaw and neck, sucking on her skin, leaving a wet trail of red hot spots for tomorrow to be seen. He licked down her collarbone as she moaned. It was like a beautiful melody to his ears. He closed his mouth on one of her her nipples, sucking lightly and grazing his teeth just a little bit in order to get a reaction from her, and he did. She arched her back and practically forced his mouth to continue by doing that, whilst releasing a couple of loud, soft moans. She never imagined it would feel that good. Finnick gave her other breast the same treatment and slid his hand down her stomach, pushing his hand inside her pants, but just a little, teasing her for not going any further.

"Please", she pleaded between moans, certain he hadn't heard her. He did.

"Now, now", he lifted his head and looked at her as he pushed his hand farther down, to rest just above her already soaked panties. He groaned as he watched her mouth form an 'o' as soon as his hand pushed the material aside, running his fingers up and down her slit. He took the opportunity when she lifted her hips out of sheer excitement and slid her pants and underwear down. She was now completely exposed to him.

"You're beautiful", he murmured and kissed her stomach once, a smile creeping on his lips when her bashful face softened into a genuine, appreciating smile.

He spread both of her legs wide enough for him to lick a line down her centre, putting extra pressure on her throbbing clit. She moaned more loudly this time, unable to control herself especially when he thrust a finger in her, being as careful as he can get as not to hurt a gentle flower, yet mildly aggressive as the need of hearing her beautiful moans grew in him with every passing second. The sensation was over the top for her, and she felt an aching throb for more. She tugged on his hair gently and he lifted his head, looking right back at her when he licked his moistened lips. She groaned and brought his face back to hers, eager to taste herself on his lips. He nibbled on her lower lip playfully, his finger still pumping in and out of her. He groaned when her hand found her way to his lower regions, tucking it inside his pants securely, wrapping her fingers around his fully erect manhood. She pushed him down on the floor and climbed on top of him again, forcing a groan of protestation from his mouth for having to stop what he was doing before. Instead, he started moaning silently when her hand started rubbing his erection firmly up and down. His reaction got her going, since she wasn't really experienced in any of it before. Finnick lifted his hips and helped her remove his remaining piece of clothing, leaving nothing but his bare skin to be seen. She glanced down at his erection, her cheeks suddenly flushing at the size of it.

As she straddled him, he gently pulled her closer to his lap and flipped them back again, cradling her in his arms, making her partially sit on his lap. He nibbled on her ear.

"Are you sure?" he asked seriously, his eyes burning on hers. She slightly nodded.

"Find my weak spot", she whispered in his ear as he pushed into her slowly. A low groan escaped his throat when he felt how tight she was, pushing all the way in as slow as he could. Katniss gasped at the unfamiliar feeling. She couldn't quite call it pain, but it wasn't as pleasant. He searched for her gaze as he began to move inside of her, and the feeling slowly faded into pleasure, creating a knot in her belly waiting to burst at any moment. Finnick buried his face in her neck, pumping in and out of her in a slow rhythm.

"Deeper", she demanded weakly in his ear. He obliged and lifted her hips a bit, changing the angle so he would be able to go deeper. His thrusts became more urgent and faster as her moans grew louder. Her inner muscles started clenching around him when she was about to come, making it impossible for him to hold back any longer. They reached their mutual climax and kissed fervently, swallowing each other's moans, both of them unable to see beyond the white bliss in their minds.

Finnick collapsed on top of her, spent, both of them breathless. Finnick kissed her neck directly on her pulse point which was still raging.

She caressed his cheek in response, a lazy smile across her face.

"You... untangled it", he whispered to her in that very moment when he realized it's been far more than forgetting and losing everything they've got in each other. It was here to stay.


	2. Eyes Of Winter

**A/N -** _Good god I have no idea why am I doing this to myself. I thought I was going to leave it at that but then out of the blue this really awesome idea appeared to me and I was like why the hell not. Well hopefully someone's still excited about this story (?). Shit's going down yo~_

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**Eyes Of Winter**

Katniss flattered her eyes open as slow as she could. She noticed a strong arm was wrapped around the waist, securing her entire being in this place. _Right._

A fading throb between her legs got her moving around, trying to face the man behind her. She caught a glimpse of the infamous bronze hair, and suddenly stopped. All she managed to focus on was his chest, rising and falling peacefully beside her very bare shoulder. _Wrong._

Katniss's immediate reaction was stirring around back to her previous position, far away as possible from his sight. She immediately regretted the whole thing when she realized he was starting to wake up as well. She tried to stop breathing for a while, thinking that if she'd concentrate enough she might as well just disappear and he would never notice. _So wrong.  
_  
The schedule etched on her arm practically screamed 'breakfast' as she looked at it. A sigh of relief escaped her mouth. She was about to get up and sneak off when the arm wrapped around her waist tightened its hold. She could feel Finnick smirking tiredly and nuzzling her neck gently.  
"Mmmmk…" he groaned quietly as he started kissing her neck slowly, savoring the moment. Katniss's breath hitched. _So right.  
_  
"Breakfast..?" was all she managed to say in an utterly confused tone.  
"Sure" he replied lazily and kissed her cheek before returning his arm back to his possession. Katniss seized the chance and got up rather quickly. It took her a moment or two to realize she was still butt naked and Finnick was definitely not helping when she caught him staring in the corner of her eye. She scanned the room for her clothes, but they were nowhere to be seen. In an instant, a soft shirt landed on her shoulder.  
"Take mine", Finnick simply said and shrugged.  
Katniss rolled her eyes.  
"I am not wearing this for breakfast" she stated matter of factly and slid the material over her head, grateful for the warm comfort it provided her in addition to some semi modest cover.  
"I figured. It will suffice until you get to your room and change though" he noted and whistled calmly as finished buttoning his pants. A pair of panties flew in her direction a second later. She was quick to catch them and muttered a curse or two. She turned around to face him, and gave him a questioning look. He shook his head no. Her clothes were still missing.

"So… I will see you then" she said awkwardly when she turned to leave.  
"Make sure you're on the guard's good side when he sees you half naked" Finnick called after her with a hint of laughter in his voice.  
Katniss turned to glare at him one last time and walked away as fast as her legs could carry her.

_Wrong, wrong, wrong _was all she could think when she slipped into her room, relieved that none of her family members or Gale were around to see her like this. She decided to take a quick shower and actually attend breakfast. It's not like her absence would be noted, but she felt guilty all over and making it to breakfast seemed to calm her conscience, and she was determined to do it all with a bright smile upon her tired and somewhat confused face.  
As soon as she entered she shower, and the warm water hit her bare back, she realized what has been done, what _they've_done. How could she do this to Peeta, to Gale? To Prim and even her Mother? Her heart was aching enough and she did not even dare to think about Finnick and Annie and their endless bond she cruelly broke last night, or at least she would like to think she did since it made it all feel worse, and she needed to feel worse. She knew pain, both physical and emotional, but this was different. It just felt wrong. She missed Peeta so badly. She wanted him to wrap his gentle arms around her at night, whisper magical things to her when her nightmares begin, to make them all less scary and terrifying. She wanted to feel secure by Gale's side just like when they used to hunt, to see the wide smile on his lips whenever she shot spot on successfully. She wanted him to tell her he's proud. She wanted both of them to love her, but how could they when she gave her most sacred thing left of her body to another man who did not know how to bake and frost pastries beautifully or put up the most amazing snares?

Katniss wiped a single tear, the only one that managed to escape one of her Seam grey eyes, and looked in the mirror. She looked the same. The exact same. Nothing has changed. Just nothing at all. She started braiding her hair to the side slowly, not leaving her eyes off her own reflection, looking for flaws the Capitol wasn't able to fix and hide. She found none. Her ear was restores, the scars on her face were all gone, the only thing the Capitol wasn't able to change was the dimming color of her eyes. Her eyes used to be full of life and slight sparkle, a shade of what she could remember of her own father. They weren't alike anymore. The grey seemed to fade vaguely, leaving her with a concrete wall colored eyes, tired and dead inside. She opened a single drawer and pulled a clean District 13 uniform, grey as a dull winter sky.

She closed her eyes as tight as she could. _I am no Mockingjay_, she thought and covered her face with her hands, trying desperately to block any form of light off her eyes so she could concentrate. The slight smell of sea and salt on her hands got her to drop them to the sides of her body immediately. Even the shower couldn't wash her guilt away. He was still there, with his tall, sea green-eyed glory. _I hate you_, she muttered to herself when she left her room, hurrying towards the tiny dining hall of the underground district.

As soon as she entered the room, the usually crowded and noisy dining room fell awkwardly silent. People literally stopped eating and turned to look at her. Some of them even gaped. Katniss took a deep breath and stepped forward, trying to get in line for the plates.  
Fortunately for her, it wasn't long before everything turned back to normal and conversations started to flow again. She could still feel a couple of eyes on her, and she turned around, only to see Prim waving frantically over at her. Katniss sent her a genuine smile and approached the table. She took a sit across of her little sister.  
"What are you doing here?" Prim asked, obviously excited and not accustomed to the idea of her sister around for duties.  
"Yes, what _are_ you doing here?" asked a deep voice she only recognized as Gale's as he sat down beside her. She tried to swallow the lump formed in her throat and forced herself to look at him.  
"I figured I'd attend breakfast for a change" she said blandly, not willing to give away the real reason behind her decision for the biggest of costs. Gale narrowed his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows. He was trying to examine her. She could feel it was pretty obvious to him that something went terribly wrong, but to her surprise he showed restraint and just shrugged and started digging on his bowl of weird-looking porridge. Prim didn't catch the exchange and just chirped happily.

"Where is mother?" Katniss asked, hoping to divert the attention elsewhere.  
"Taking care of some patients. She couldn't make it to breakfast", Prim replied and pushed the bowl away from her when she realized it will not turn eatable anytime soon. Katniss chuckled.

"Now isn't that music to my ears" she heard Finnick right behind her. He grazed his hand over her shoulder ever so lightly, but it was enough to make her shudder and to her resentment also a slight tingle between her legs. _No_, she thought. _No_.

"Why good morning Primrose, Gale" Finnick gestured politely and sat across of Gale, who only glared at him and clenched his jaw. He was never fond of the flirty victor.  
Prim's excitement grew even bigger and she mumbled a shy 'good morning' back to Finnick, blushing in the process. Katniss pierced FInnick's eyes. She was relieved to find out he was at least fully clothed. No actual surprise if he weren't.

"Ms. Everdeen", Finnick bowed his head slightly and smirked like a conqueror.  
"Mr. Odair", Katniss shot right back at him and narrowed her eyes. She wondered how clear she was making herself to him and hoped he would not talk about anything he wasn't supposed to talk about.

Gale raised an eyebrow and kept an eagle eye over the exchange. Katniss could feel his hand forming into a tight fist under the table. Katniss kicked him lightly, aiming to his ankle. A quiet gasp of pain escaped his mouth when he turned to glare at her. She glared right back and tilted her head aside just a little so he would get the hint. He did, but it only got him angrier. He got up and left abruptly, not sparing neither of them a glance. Katniss pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. Strike one.

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**A/N** - _Should I continue this any farther? Reviews are amazing per usual~_


	3. Beautiful Weakness

**A/N** - _I'm a complete tease in this one, I'm aware, but you shall forgive me and bear my craziness for a while longer ;) Also thank you for the reviews, they really got me going and awarding you kind people with another chapter in a little less than a day. So there you go, enjoy, and reviews are lovely as always! (Also the title is a combination of Beautiful Stranger by Madonna and Weakness by Everlast)_

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**Beautiful Weakne_ss_**

Finnick didn't seem to care or notice about the whole fiasco going down in front of him on the table, he seemed relaxed and annoying as ever. Katniss mentally noted to herself she should really try to make him lose his composure just this once, it seemed impossible at the moment.  
"Excuse me", Katniss mumbled and got up. She lost her appetite all too fast.  
Her sister followed shortly.

"What was that all about?" the little blonde asked, her big eyes shining with curiosity. God, Katniss couldn't have loved the little creature more. She was so innocent and good, so much better than her.  
"Nothing, little duck. Nothing at all", she reassured her sister and reached for her hand. Prim took it and tightened her grasp. They walked quietly together to their chambers with nothing but their comfortable silence surrounding them both.

"I should go back to the clinic soon", Prim said as they entered the room. Katniss nodded understandingly and shoved her sister jokingly towards the shower. "You're going to need this", she noted and winked. Prim just laughed lightly and closed the bathroom door behind her. Katniss could hear the shower head open as she basically dropped on her rigid bed, letting the biggest of sighs out of her lungs. This day was not going to end up soon, it seemed. A loud knock on the front door confirmed her thoughts.

"Come in", she said tiredly and rubbed her eyes.  
A couple of soft objects landed on her knees. She got up quickly, but not enough to catch the black bra that was now resting on her face. She removed it out of her sight and tried to get a look of the obviously rude guest. Haymitch closed the door behind him in a loud thump and turned to look at her, his right eyebrow raised.  
"Yours, I suppose?" he gestured towards the clothes he previously tossed in her direction. Katniss furrowed her eyebrows and shifted her attention to the uniforms lying peacefully on her knees. Her facial expression turned into a horrified one, and bright red.  
"Keep it down, not here", she whispered to him and quickly shoved him out of the room, following behind.  
Haymitch simply pulled her aside to a narrow corridor and gave her the most irritable smirk.  
Katniss rolled her eyes and punched his chest lightly. "Quit it, what do you want?"  
"I'm sorry, didn't I just come over with a bra and some of your clothes?" he asked seriously.  
"_Where did you get these?_" she asked and turned her head over her shoulder, making sure no one was there to hear any of this conversation.  
"I went looking for you and the mighty fish brain. I figured you'd be in your usual hideout, but I never thought…" he winked at that point, and Katniss wanted to punch him so bad.  
"Thank you, may I be excused now?" she said and turned on her heel to leave. Haymitch simply pulled her back by the arm. "No, you are not. Stay here", he commanded in a tone she never heard before. A serious, sober tone. The lack of liqueur must have taken its toll on the older man. "What do you want?" she asked again impatiently. She looked around nervously. Prim was about to head out of the shower any minute and realize she was gone. Not a rare sight these days.

"I usually don't do this bit, there's a reason I'm not raising any wild kids of my own, but what the hell were you thinking?" he said harshly. Katniss was taken aback by the tone of his voice. "This is absolutely none of your business", she replied shortly, praying he would leave her alone and leave it at that. Unfortunately, she dared to forget they were too much alike for a moment. Of course he was not about to let go.

"I'm not talking about your already messy slash stupid and complicated love life and romantic interests; I'm talking about your life, period. You're a smart girl and Coin is at your tail, and that's no earth shuttering news to you either. Do you ever think about that?" he said, piercing her eyes. His own were dead as well, she noted.  
"There's nothing going on between Finnick and I", she said and bit her lip unintentionally. This didn't go unseen by Haymitch.  
"I don't care what it is you two dumbass kids share, I just need you to realize this is a direct threat to Coin whether you like it or not. You're not doing any of your duties as it is, and she will not hesitate to hurt your close ones", he tried to hint not too subtly.  
"It was a one time thing, she has no reason to go after Finnick or I, I promise you", she replied after a moment or two of complete silence. He had a point; of course he had a point.  
Haymitch shrugged. "Just don't make this any harder on the two of you", he said, and with that, he was gone.

Katniss practically crawled back to her room. The conversation sucked every last bit of energy out of her. She was officially tired. She grabbed her bra from the floor and fingered the hem of it. Plain and soft. A flash of anger in her stomach made her throw the material all across the room. Why weren't they more careful? If Haymitch was able to find them as quickly, it could have been anyone.  
Prim… no, she wasn't safe anymore. Haymitch was right. Coin could go after her loved ones without any hesitation at all. Coin needed her Mockingjay, but all Katniss seemed to do was mock her duties and grief about her and Peeta and the entire country of Panem's unfortunate fate, and of course sleep with Finnick Odair in the process. It felt good at the moment, just being there with Finnick, it really did. She was able to forget, to smile, to feel alive just for a bit. It was all over now, just a one time thing. She was going to make sure this never happens again in any circumstance for everybody's sake.

Prim got out of the shower; a fluffy towel clinging to her relatively tall frame. Katniss reached out and pulled her little sister closer to her in order to hug her. As she nuzzled the blonde wet hair, she realized she wasn't done. She wasn't done protecting her loved ones, her sister, Gale, Peeta and whoever was still alive. She cupped Prim's face and caressed her cheek. "I love you", she said softly and kissed her sister's forehead. Prim seemed to understand, and smiled sadly at Katniss. "I love you too", she said and then her sister was already walking in the opposite diection, out of the room.

Katniss knew she was going to find him there, in his usual corner, tying knots frantically. There were ropes all over the floor. Katniss grabbed a piece and made the most difficult knot she could master. She simply hurled it over to the bronze haired man. He never lifted his eyes to look at her; he just reached his hand up and grabbed the knot mid-air. It wasn't easy to hate him at times, she decided. He didn't look at the knot one bit, he just felt it with his fingers, and with a single pull of his teeth, it came undone.

"Quite impressive", he said, still not looking at her.  
"Well I honestly think I should be awarded if it's coming from _the_ Finnick Odair", she said and leaned against the closest wall, trying to get a closer look at him.  
He finally bothered to lift his head and look at her, a slow smirk spreading on his mouth.  
"Now, of what award are we talking about?" he purred and raised an eyebrow in the most seductive expression he could pull. Katniss wanted to curse everything and everyone, her knees buckled. She tried to remind herself that she was here for another purpose entirely.

"Well, not that, but thank you for your kind offer", she replied sharply, trying to crack his expression for the tiniest bit of weakness.  
"Why are you here, then?" he asked, eyeing her body from head to toe.  
Katniss snapped. "Would you stop looking at me like you've seen me naked?" she scowled at him, trying to make him stop whatever he was doing that made her blood boil and her legs quiver.  
"But I have… seen you naked that is", his smirk only grew wider. He got up. Katniss tried to cling to the wall behind her desperately, she felt like she was about to fall.

He took a large step towards her, full of intent, his gaze never leaving hers. _You are better than this. You are better than this_, Katniss kept repeating to herself, trying to avoid his gaze.  
In a blink of an eye, his face was already mere inches from hers, and he was just standing there dangerously close, one of his hands leaning on the wall behind her head.  
"What is it you came for, then?" he asked, whispering the last part of the sentence. Katniss couldn't breathe. _Wrong, remember, wrong._  
She tried to gain her composure back desperately. "I came…" she trailed off as his body pressed a little closer to hers.  
"Yes?" he asked, searching for her eyes once again. She was determined not to surrender.  
"To… tell you this was a one time thing", she swallowed deftly, trying to breathe steady.  
"Well, that's a shame"; he said and brought himself closer to her if even possible.  
"It is", she agreed and tried to bring her hands to grasp his shoulders so she could push him away, instead, they went directly to his chest, moving in rhythm with his shallow breaths.  
"This is wrong", she huffed as he bowed his head, blowing hot air directly on her pulse point. One time and he already knew the strings to pull. _Asshole._  
"Why?" he asked genuinely and rubbed his nose against her ear.  
She wanted to ask what about Annie so badly, but she was more than afraid to cross that line. She did not want to sound judgmental especially when she felt as guilty.  
"Coin, my family, _your_ family, our loved ones", she breathed out and tried to generalize, hoping he would get it. It didn't seem to bother him much. He just used his hands to lift her thighs off the ground, pinning her to the wall. She simply wrapped her legs around his waist, bringing him even closer to her. Her common sense seemed to leave her here to die, blowing her one last kiss. She could feel him rubbing against her thighs. She moaned softly when he bit her chin gently, groaning hungrily at her. _Weak, you are weak, _she kept thinking_. So weak._

"Sonovabitch_"_ a voice came out of no where all of a sudden, full of venom and hatred, and in a blink of an eye she was knocked down to the floor, and so was Finnick, under a very furious Gale. Her sight has been blocked by Gale's back, but the sound of a punch was no stranger to her. Oh dear. Strike two.

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**A/N_ - _**_Just curious, am I the only one who's happy by Sam Claflin as Finnick?_


	4. Ruined Savior

**A/N** - _With no farther ado, here is the fourth installment. Once again, I really care about your reviews, not because of the amount, but really the feedback is getting me going and I like to know whether you guys approve of the direction or not. I'm really self conscious about this fic for a change cause I'm not really sure if I should continue it or not, so yeah once again your input will be appreciated. Enjoy!_

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**Ruined Savior**

Katniss couldn't do anything but stare. Her limbs seemed to be frozen. Her mind was screaming at her. The boys kept rolling on the floor, straddling each other in turn, punching whatever was available to their sight at the moment. "You piece of asshole shit", she heard Gale mutter under his breath right before he raised his fist to strike again.  
The sight of this made Katniss jump at once, finally finding the strength and her common sense back. It was pretty hard to digest the last few minutes as it is. "Idiots!" she screamed at both of them and reached out only to grab Gale by his right ear. She pulled him off of Finnick easily as he gasped in pain.

"Two idiots", she repeated and took a closer look of Finnick's visible black eye and Gale's purple jaw.  
"What do you mean? This… this Capitol made manwhore was trying to force you into sex with him", Gale called angrily, pointing a finger at Finnick, who only rolled his eyes, still lying on the floor.  
"You, get up", she gestured to Finnick, "and you, shut up", she gestured back to Gale, "nobody forced anything", she added in a low tone to Gale who only seemed to get angrier. Admitting it only made her feel worse. Finnick reached out to her, trying to lay a protective arm over her, but Katniss simply ducked, standing as far away from them both. "Are you sleeping with him?" Gale asked huskily, not daring to look at her.  
"It doesn't matter", Katniss replied simply and eyed Finnick, who seemed slightly offended.  
"Of course it does! What happened to you?" Gale responded with his jaw clenched.  
"Calm down, this is not a conversation I should be having with you right now, in here", Katniss said calmly. She knew how to deal with a furious Gale, and yelling back wasn't an option.  
Gale took a step towards Finnick, his gaze full of hatred. Finnick only bared his teeth like an animal, but stayed put. He seemed awfully quiet to Katniss. For an angry protective man, she expected him to be more vocal.

"How did you find me?" she asked, careful of her wording. 'Us' wouldn't be appropriate at the moment.  
"You're always here, everybody knows that", Gale replied, his voice dripping with venom.  
Katniss was startled. "What do you mean _everybody_?" she asked, dreading the answer.  
Gale snorted. "Get a grip Katniss; everybody knows you two are hanging out in here for days now. Don't you think people notice you're not doing much?" he scoffed at her. Katniss stirred uncomfortably, and she could see Finnick was not pleased by Gale's words as well.  
Katniss hesitated. She didn't know whether the conversation was over and it's time to leave, but Gale seemed to stay put.  
"Why did you come in here, then?" She finally heard Finnick speak, his voice low, like he's being repulsed be Gale's presence. Gale pretended like it wasn't Finnick who actually asked the question, and turned to Katniss, answering her instead. "I've been informed of an emergency meeting at the headquarters being held in an hour, and you were summoned".

Katniss looked at Finnick, he furrowed his eyebrows. Gale caught the exchange. "Him too", he admitted unwillingly. Finnick's frown only went deeper. Emergency? Something must have happened, and they all knew it by the looks she got from both Gale and Finnick.  
"I suppose we better get going", Gale said after a while. He passed by Finnick and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "Stay away from her", he simply said, his expression blank and kept walking. Katniss heard him, and hurried over to Finnick. She grasped his hand, hoping it would prevent him from doing anything stupid at this stage. It did. His expression softened as he tightened his grasp. They followed Gale, still hand in hand. She managed to find some kind of solace as his hand kept warming hers, sending a tingle up her arm. When they reached the headquarters, Katniss gently pried her hand away from Finnick's, sending him an apologetic look. He nodded slightly, and they went their separate ways, each finding a seat in the small room.

It seemed like the council was waiting for them in order to begin. Katniss eyed Haymitch, who only raised an eyebrow and smirked, gesturing to Finnick, who was seated beside him, by the shoulder. Katniss only rolled her eyes and sighed. Coin cleared her throat.  
Boggs was seating by her side, his gaze wandering around the room, landing on her a moment later. By then she realized, every single person in the room but Coin was looking at her.

"As you all know, our rebellion is slowly echoing in a very successful line", Coin said, holding her head high. Katniss furrowed her eyebrows. They all knew that it could have been even more successful if she would cooperate as their Mockingjay, but neither of them was eager to say it out loud. She honestly thought she was going to be accused of not doing anything in particular at this point, but to her surprise, nothing happened just yet.  
"As a major part of our ongoing plan, we have decided to send a small team to the Capitol and save our captives", she continued, attempting to sound as formal as she looked.  
"And the rest of the remaining victors, as a part of the agreement", Plutarch added, answering the question Katniss was about to ask. Peeta. She felt suffocated. He was coming back, coming back to her. She looked at Finnick, who seemed distant, way off the conversation. _Annie_, she thought. He was thinking about Annie.  
"We decided to include a few of our best men in our crew", Coin disturbed Katniss's flowing thoughts. Dread started to fill her veins. "Soldier Hawthorne and Mr. Odair will constitute as a third of the party under the command of Boggs. The rest of the soldiers will meet you as the hovercraft will pass by District 2 to pick them up", and with that, Coin was done. She left the room with quick steps, leaving a time bomb in the form of an overwhelmed Katniss. She was taking them both. Haymitch was right.

"When?" she simply asked, breaking the tense silence in the room.  
"The flight is due tomorrow", Plutarch answered quietly, as if his answer would shutter the earth beneath them. In a way, it did.  
Katniss got up abruptly, her hands gripping the edge of the long table, seeking balance in the hard wood.  
"Why am I not a part of the team? Why isn't she taking me? I'm a better fighter than half of her soldiers, I can shoot better than most of this district!" she exclaimed, feeling the air leaving her lungs. She already knew the answer, but she felt the need to be clarified once and for all.  
Boggs nodded slowly, a sad smile creeping to his face. "You are out of shape, Katniss. You never made it to training. Panem needs a hero. Panem needs their Mockingjay", he explained with kindness. They all knew none of his words were surprising to her to say the least.  
"What about Finnick, then?" she blurted out, regretting she asked immediately. Finnick's eyes flashed as he heard her pronouncing his name, and he was back in the room, regaining his focus.  
"Well, he spent quite some time in the Capitol, and he knows his way around better than all of our soldiers combined", Boggs replied.  
Katniss shook her head. Her gaze conformed Finnick's. They were going to talk about this later, it seemed. She snatched a quick look at Gale, who was staring at the wall behind her. A shade of a smile on his face made her realize he was actually honored to do this. He was eager to fight, ready to take down every Capitol citizen who was, in his mind, terribly guilty and responsible to the life he had back in District 12. A life of starvation and killing.

Katniss punched the table loudly in an act of sheer frustration and left the room without another word. Coin was going to use them, kill them even just because of her. Katniss felt the tears flowing down her cheeks. She didn't even know if Peeta was still alive or just as tortured as he seemed behind that perfect smile he plastered on his face on the interview with Caesar they bothered to broadcast not too long ago. Katniss thought she knew better, but she actually didn't.  
She wound up in the empty closet she found a while ago, curled into a small ball. She wanted to cry and sleep for days, weeks even. She wanted to die. Sometimes she wished it was her who died instead of Rue or Maggs or any other tribute. Sometimes she imagined a world in which Peeta was here, in District 13, completely happy and healthy, and she would be the one tortured by the Capitol. He didn't deserve it. _They _didn't deserve any of it. She couldn't help but think about the mass amount of people who died because of her, and the people who will continue to sacrifice their lives for her in the future.

"Why me?" she mumbled to herself, crying hysterically. "Why me? I'm not your damn savior", she said and punched the left wall of the closet furiously, hoping to disappear or die or sleep, she didn't know anymore. She must have missed it, but the doors of the closet opened in silence, and a tall frame entered the small space. He took a sit by her, leaning on the right wall of the closet. He did not say a word. Katniss ignored his presence and kept punching into the wood. Her knuckles started to bleed, but she couldn't care less. She felt numb, empty. He simply grabbed her fists with both of his hands, putting them still. She struggled and tried to break free. He just held her there, refusing to let go. She turned around, her eyes red and dead inside. His handsome facial features were calm as usual, not giving away any of his emotions. He must have mastered it in the Capitol, sleeping with these women. It only made Katniss more furious with him, she couldn't understand what he was doing to her and why. She let out a slight cry of rage and released her hands from his grasp. She started punching his chest instead, letting it all out.  
"I hate you", she said quietly, her voice choked due to the tears. Finnick frowned. "No", he said. "No", he repeated and grabbed her hands again, this time more firmly. Katniss kept struggling, but he was stronger than her, always has.  
She gave a few minutes later, when she realized she was more exhausted than she thought. Finnick just kept looking at her with concern in his sea green eyes, the same eyes that never stopped glowing, even in the darkness of the closet. Katniss trembled, the aftershock of her actions finally hitting her nerves. She could clearly feel the burn on her knuckles now. As if he could read her pain, Finnick used his thumbs and stroked her knuckles, sending a shiver down her spine. Katniss sighed. She gave the last tear permission to fall on her cheek, and rested her head on his chest. She fell asleep shortly after. Finnick nuzzled her hair and leaned his forehead against her head. He let himself sleep an hour later, when he was certain she was sound asleep. He never let go of her hands, his grasp stronger than ever.

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**A/N** - _And with that, Peeta might be coming back. Gotta admit I was never fond of him, but he shall be a great plot device for me. Yay? Nay?_


	5. Fade Into Darkness

**_A/N_** - _Probably my longest chapter yet (not much longer though, sorry), and well I think it sucks, but yeah. Seriously this turned so angsty and I never meant it to be, I'm used to write comedy and this is so weird though. I still appreciate the feedback, and I wouldn't have updated without it. Enjoy, and well reviews are lovely!_

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**Fade Into Darkness**

"You're going to save them, aren't you?" Katniss asked as soon as she woke, still in Finnick's arms. She could feel him softening under her touch as a respond to her voice. He was awake.  
"I'm going to try", he said, and kissed her hair gently.  
Katniss fell silent again. She liked it there, in his arms, in this safe, quiet closet. It felt like they were sleeping for many much-needed hours. She didn't know what time it was, and neither did he, but none of it seemed to matter.  
"Don't die, okay?" she said, lifting her head to face him. He smiled weakly at her and nodded.  
"I'll bring him to you. I promise", he said, cupping her face with both of his strong hands. Katniss's heart pinched. Peeta. He was going to save Peeta just for her sake and she nearly forgot.

Katniss slowly closed the gap between them. She wanted to feel his lips for the last time, to taste the sea and the freedom, to hold the man who brought solace and comfort to her aching heart. Finnick's thumbs caressed her cheeks when their noses touched. She closed her eyes briefly, trying to memorize this, him and the feel of his flesh against hers for the last time. He was going to bring back Peeta and Annie, and whatever the both of them shared will be long gone. She brushed her lips against his tenderly. They simply kissed and held each other for what she thought was minutes, hours and eternity. She didn't want it to stop. The warmth of him made her feel safe as ever. She pulled back eventually, her cheeks flushed. Finnick only smiled at her and brushed his thumb against her lower lip. Katniss smiled back, and they both laughed for a little while. Finnick dropped his head and grabbed her hand.  
"I should probably go", he said, and squeezed her hand. She squeezed back. "Come back to us", she said as he was about to leave. She wanted to add an 'I' but decided against it. He wasn't hers and never will be. They belong elsewhere. He only looked at her sadly in response and left.

She was all alone again. The closet wasn't the same without him, she decided, and got up. Her muscles ached. She was sitting in the same position for hours. The next couple of days would be dreadful, she knew. She spent the entire day just sitting there, waiting. When she finally emerged from the closet, she realized her track of time got lost somewhere between her nightly nightmares and her encounter with Finnick. She started wandering the narrow corridors, looking for a soul to talk to. Her heart never stopped racing ever since Finnick left here there, all by herself.

Ten years ago, when she was only seven, her father took her to the forest for the first time. He didn't want to show her the essence of hunting just yet since he thought she was too young at the time, but he promised to take her and show her the marvelous pond and the wonders of the nature. Katniss wanted him to make true on his promise for years, and when the time came, she was so excited she couldn't sleep for days. Katniss fiddled with the knot Finnick left her and smiled sadly at the memory of her dad. That day, he took her to the forest and gave her a piece of warm bread he managed to get. She immediately sat on his lap and chewed on the bread eagerly. They were both silent and content for a while, before Katniss broke the silence. "Daddy, what if something happens to you in the mines? How would I know you're okay?" she asked in a tiny voice and rocked gently on his lap. Her father only smiled and nuzzled her hair, moving her braid to the side. "There's this old saying… It says that when someone you really care about gets hurt, you just know. You feel it within you", he said and placed his palm on her chest, directly on her heart. Katniss just smiled cheerfully and resumed eating her bread.  
A few years later, when the mines exploded, she immideatly knew he wasn't going to come back. She just did, and just like he said, she felt it within her, like something was missing. An empty, hollow space she could never fill. She looked at the knot she made. It was simple, oh so very simple and she couldn't bring herself to untie it. Finnick would have said it's all in her mind. She imagined him seating right beside her. She could literally feel the warmth of his presence against her back. She wondered if she'd ever feel the painful throb in her heart if something were to happen to him just like when her dad died. She was desperately trying to convince herself that nothing happened and they were perfectly fine. She would have felt it, at least for Gale.  
A single tear escaped her eye. She wanted to wipe it as soon as she felt it on her cheek, but she just let it fall. It dried out halfway to her chin.

"Haymitch", she said as she felt his presence behind her. She knew he would come.  
"Would an 'I told you so' be okay right now?" he asked and a hint of laughter in his voice made her feel sudden relief.  
"No, not really, you have to earn it", she said and turned to face him. He looked like shit, much like her. He only smiled at her with a bit of sadness. "They're going to be fine you know. Shrimp Chowder Brain and the Angry One that is", he said and lowered to the floor, sitting right beside her. She chuckled lightly and nodded. His twisted way of comforting seemed to suite her just fine.  
"There's something though…" he trailed off and frowned. She knew he was thinking. He sighed heavily and shrugged. "The mad girl, Annie, she's…" he shook is head slowly and looked at her. He knew she would get it. She did. Her head pounded and thousands of drums and a marching band took residence in her head. He was trying to say she was dead. Annie was dead.  
"We thought it's best he'll find out on his own, we didn't want to do it here. He seemed lost and near crazed as it is", Haymitch continued in a low tone. Annie was all he got left. She was the one, the only one to make life worth living when it got difficult for him. Katniss knew he was struggling with the system and the hideous demands Snow put him through in the Capitol, but not once he thought of turning against his duties in fear of Annie getting hurt. Her heart sank. The distant hopeful look on his face a day back in the headquarters… He left for no reason, no reason at all. No one to greet him in the Capitol, no one to save. She's dead. He was too late.

"When?" she managed to elicit in a shaky voice. Haymitch's eyebrows rose. He wasn't expecting this type of question.  
"A month ago or so. Probably a lethal dose of painkillers and psychiatric drugs", he answered slowly. A month. They knew for a month. Finnick was waiting for news all along, hoping, feeling, crying, and Annie was dead all along. A month. She took a big breath and looked at him with pleading eyes. She didn't know what was expected of her to say. She wanted to run. She wanted to feel the air of the woods, the burn in her lungs as soon as she was out of breath.  
"Peeta? Is there… anything I should know?" she said as she closed her eyes. She wanted to cover her eyes with her hands as well, but her arms were limp.  
"He's alive. That's all we know at this point", Haymitch said with guilt in his husky voice. She felt like screaming, yelling at him for not coming to her sooner, long before she got herself into this situation. Long before Finnick.  
Katniss's breath came out in waves, she was struggling to concentrate. Haymitch took her unstable appearance as a queue to leave. He placed a hand on her shoulder right before he left, and that's all she really needed. She spent the entire day locked up in her dark closet, frantically pulling at the rope's end, trying to tear it apart. It was stronger than her, and by the time the hovercrafts were back, she only managed to pull a few strings. She hasn't eaten anything in two whole days, and she looked like a walking mess. A couple of dark bags decorated her eyes, and her entire being felt like a joke. She walked furiously towards the headquarters, each step faster than the other until she found herself running for what it felt like her life.

"Where is he?" she asked frantically when she bumped into Plutarch, who looked surprisingly calm. He just stared at her in response. "Where is he?!" she repeated and raised her voice in determination.  
"He's in the hospital. They landed an hour ago. He seems fine physically wise, but unfortunately I couldn't say the same about his mental health", Plutarch responded, his expression blank. Katniss's belly turned upside down.  
"I'm not sure it's safe to visit just yet, but you can try asking his doctor. Just say you're looking for Peeta and I sent you. Surely they already diagnosed his condition by now", Plutarch added with a shrug. Peeta. Katniss shook her head slowly, realizing he was talking about Peeta all along while she on the other hand...  
"I… well, thank you"; she murmured in confusion and left abruptly. She leaned against the closest wall she could find. Peeta survived. He was alive, and probably unconscious. She told herself he would wait for her for a couple of hours as she ran towards the chambers, to Finnick's room. The minute she arrived and opened the door to his room, a dozen of glass shards flew towards her. She ducked instinctively and fell to the floor, clenching at the cold stone. She was trying to get a glimpse of what was going on above her head, but another object flew towards the wall behind her, and she could clearly hear the glass breaking. She covered her head with both of her hands and closed her eyes, trying to protect herself. She could hear him crying hysterically. All she could catch from her current low position were his legs. He was moving around the room restlessly, throwing everything within his reach. He was obviously ignoring her presence, or not aware of it to say the least.  
She crawled on the floor in his direction, attempting to avoid the shards of glass cutting at her skin cruelly. She managed to grab both of his legs with her arms, stopping him from any movement. She raised her head and looked at him. He didn't turn to look back at her, but his features spoke of the hard truth, it spoke of pain, of hurt, surprise and confusion. He was more of a mess than she expected, but then again, she didn't know what to expect. Surprisingly, he let her hold his legs still and didn't budge. She knew better than to let go, and held him there for a few valuable moments before rising up to her feet slowly. When she faced him, she realized he was silently crying to the point of no control. Katniss grabbed his tear-stained district 13 shirt and pulled him towards her, her arms wide open. Finnick didn't make much of a move, but simply fell to her arms, resting his head against her shoulder. Even though they both knew there was no need for words, Katniss tightened her grasp around his neck, rubbed his back and whispered the only "I'm sorry", she could ever say to him after this without breaking down and fall to pieces herself. They stood there for long minutes, not moving or talking. Their silence wasn't empty nor distant, it was exactly what it should be, and in that very moment she realized she's the closest he'll ever have to a family, a lover or a friend. She's all he has.

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**_A/N -_** _So Peeta is definitely back, and also another major character will pay a visit to 13 very soon... Also no, I did not forget about Gale. Wait for it._


	6. Guilt

**A/N** - _Luckily for you guys, I'm on vacation until the end of the week, therefore - another chapter! (and a long one). There might be another one on the weekend though, depends on your reviews. Also this one contains sexual content once again (honestly I shouldn't warn you, if you're here it's because you read the first chapter and it has lots of sex in it, but just in case). Enjoy and don't forget to let me know what you think :)_

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**Guilt**

She watched him sleep. His soft bronze hair was a mess all over the white pillow, his tear stained face finally at peace. She stroked his cheek gently. Putting him to sleep was a walking hell. She rocked him in her arms and sang the softest of songs she knew to him. He responded by singing a song about the sea she didn't know, but it only made him cry more. Her heart ached for him and she wanted to cure him so bad, but she knew better. It might be a big cliché, but there's no better cure than time. She ran her fingers through his hair one last time before she got up. He was going to sleep for a long time. She tiptoed out of his room, trying not to make any unwanted noise. She walked all the way to the hospital wing on the other side of the underground district. She saw Gale in one of the rooms when she arrived. He looked fine and awake except for a nasty bruise on his forehead. When she entered his room, she could see it was already stitched. Gale's expression was blank when he noticed her; he just looked away and didn't say a thing.  
"I know the last thing you want right now is me, sitting here and talking to you, especially since we didn't make amends yet and you never got a proper explanation, but I just want you to know that I'm glad you're alive and well. You did an excellent job", she said bitterly and turned to go leave.  
"How do you know I did an excellent job? You weren't there. You know nothing", Gale said coldly all of a sudden. Katniss felt anger rising up her chest.  
"I know you, I don't have to be there to know you've done a brilliant job", she said, turning around slowly to face him.  
"I'm glad you claim to know me so well, because I can't say the same about you", he replied sharply. She clenched her jaw tightly. Restraint wasn't her strong suit.  
"I have nothing to say to you anymore. Feel better", she said and marched out of his room. He had that special gift; he could make her blood boil in no more than a slight second.

"Well, we need him", she heard a voice down the hall.  
"I'm afraid it might take some time, if ever. Personally I have never dealt with a case of hijacking before, but we're doing all we can", a voice replied.  
Katniss rushed down to hall only to see Boggs talking to what it seemed like a doctor by the white coat.  
"Godammit, work faster then", Boggs muttered under his breath and turned to leave. He stopped when he saw Katniss, a look of concern in his eyes. He opened his mouth in order to say something, but closed it a moment later. Katniss frowned in confusion.  
"Is it… Peeta?" she asked him. He only nodded in response. In a blink of an eye, she was already down the hall again, looking for his room. She heard heavy footsteps behind her and realized Boggs was following her. When she finally reached the end of the hall, she saw him. She saw him through a heavy glass window, he was asleep, incubated.  
"You wouldn't want to…" Boggs trailed off when he reached her and stood by her side. She turned to look at him.  
"He was hijacked in the Capitol. They used Tracker Jackers to alternate his memory and associate fear with part of them, which means he fears-"  
"Me", Katniss interrupted him.  
"Yes, and everything related to the people he used to love or any of his good memories", Boggs added quietly.  
Katniss turned back to look at Peeta. He was sound asleep, but there was nothing peaceful upon his face. His delicate facial features reflected pain and torture, and Katniss's heart broke with every second of looking at him.  
"Can they fix this? Can they cure him?" She asked, on the verge of tears.  
"Apparently it's nearly impossible to fully cure him, but they're trying", he said.  
A loud voice inside Peeta's room caught their attention. Peeta woke up, and tried to get up, pulling whatever medical equipment he had attached to his face and arms, he looked frantic.  
Katniss hurried over and opened the door to his room. She could vaguely hear Boggs exclaiming a "don't!" but he was too late. When Peeta felt her presence in the room, he turned to look at her, for a second she could see his eyes softening, but they immediately turned to reflect pure hatred and anger. He got up and took a couple of large steps towards her. Katniss froze. In a blink of an eye, she was pinned to the wall behind her, Peeta's hands wrapped tightly around her throat. Katniss struggled to breath and placed her hands on both of his arms, trying to push him away. There was no use, he was stronger than her. The room started to spin around her as she was slowly choking. Peeta noticed and only tightened his grasp. She could vaguely see Boggs appearing Peeta, his strong arms wrapping around Peeta's waist, pulling him away from her in a single swift move. Peeta struggled, kicked and punched the air and tried to get to her, but Boggs held him still. Katniss fell to the floor weakly, holding onto her sore throat, trying to regain her lost breath. A team of doctors appeared a couple of moments later. A few of them grabbed Peeta and pulled him away from Boggs, and one of them pulled Peeta's hospital gown aside and gave him a shot on his thigh. Peeta didn't remove his hateful gaze away from her until he fell asleep shortly after he got the shot. The doctors dragged him and placed him on the bed again, restoring the medical equipment to its rightful place.  
Boggs reached and grabbed her hand, helping her up. She was still stunned and couldn't talk, even though she never really tried.  
"Are you alright?" Boggs asked her when they left Peeta's room. She nodded weakly. She wasn't going to talk about it, not today, not with him. Boggs squeezed her shoulder tightly and watched her as she left. She started running as soon as she was out of his sight. Her lungs started to sting when she passed Gale's room. In the corner of her eye she caught him looking outside the tiny window of his room, looking at her. She did not dare to stop; she just carried on until she reached her dark closet. She opened the door and closed it as quick as she could, trying to block any form of light out of her eyes. An estimated amount of million thoughts took place inside her mind. Peeta hated her. _Hated_ _her_. Not only that, but he actually wanted to kill her. Katniss stroked the bruised skin of her throat. She realized the Snow tried to torture her by torturing him. He tried to break her completely, and he nearly succeeded. She couldn't help but think she lost her Peeta, the loving, kind, gentle Peeta to a monstrous form of him the Capitol made. She gasped when she realized he was better off dead. She knew him too well to know that at least that's what he would have wanted. Katniss punched the wall of the closet once. She was angry at the thought of Peeta staying like this with her not being able to be by his side or cure him. _He hated her now. _Katniss sighed heavily and got up at once. She could have sat there for eternity. It would have been comfortable, she knew, to get lost in thoughts and cry, but she wasn't going to do any of that anymore. She knew Finnick was waiting for her, even in his sleep and it gave her the exact drive she needed to leave her weaknesses behind and be there for him, even though she couldn't be there for herself.

When she entered his room, he was still asleep. She noticed he managed to curl into a ball at some point, and stayed like that. Nightmares. She wandered if he was having nightmares about Annie too now that she was dead. The fresh tears on his face indicated she was right. Katniss entered the small bathroom and undressed. She entered the shower and lowered herself to the floor and rested her chin on her lifted knees. She opened the shower head, and stream of steaming water washed her from head to toe. She stayed there for a few minutes when the shower door opened. She saw Finnick standing there, studying her. She looked right back at him with no trace of shame. In a swift movement, Finnick started to undress slowly, removing his dirty uniforms. She realized he did not shower for a few days. He was still dirty from the travel. When the last piece of clothing fell to the floor, he entered the shower. There was an obvious large cut on his thigh. Katniss mentally noted to herself she should take care of it later. Finnick took a few steps closer and pushed his head right under the water stream. He gazed at her through his dripping bronze hair. She couldn't quite figure out his expression. She got up slowly and tried to face him even though he was so much taller than her. He looked down at her, a crooked half smile on his lips. Their desperation took over them, and as soon as Finnick lowered his head to her, she kissed him roughly, plundering at his lips. Finnick growled like an animal and caressed every bit of her body he could fine with his calloused rope-knotting fingers. Katniss nibbled on his ear when he grazed his teeth down her throat. She gasped in pain when he reached the area where Peeta's hands were wrapped not too long ago. He squeezed both of her breasts non-too gently with his palms as he was kissing her collarbone. Katniss grabbed his hair and pulled at it, bringing his face up to hers. Finnick only groaned and slipped a hand between them, stroking her inner thighs. Katniss moaned in response and breathed heavily when he inserted a finger inside her, starting a furious rhythm she was trying to follow. She gripped his broad shoulders roughly as he inserted another finger, intending the skin on his back with half-moons using her nails in desperation. She was trying to ride the sensation out whenever he reached the sweet spot inside her she didn't even know she had. Finnick removed his fingers all of a sudden and looked at her. He inserted both of his fingers to his mouth and sucked them clean. Katniss felt her knees buckle. He reached to her and inserted the same fingers to her mouth as well. She licked his fingers eagerly. In a swift movement, he had her pinned against the cold shower wall, her legs wrapped around his torso, the water streaming between them. He thrust into her at once, leaving her breathless. Katniss bit his shoulder as started moving, in and out of her in a perfect steady rhythm. Her body seemed to respond to him rather quickly as she lowered herself onto him whenever he slid inside of her, making the penetration ever deeper. Finnick growled and started driving faster into her. She closed her eyes. The thoughts of Peeta hunted her. It was all because of her, all because she couldn't save him in time. "Peeta…" she whispered inattentively. The sound of Peeta's name only got Finnick going faster. Katniss struggled to breath when she realized what she just said. Finnick slipped a hand between them and stroked her clit gently. Her response was immediate. She grasped at his hair and moaned loudly as she came. Finnick's thrusts continued for a few more valuable moments, letting her ride out her orgasm. As her inner muscles pulsed and clenched around him, she watched him breathing heavily and then she felt him twitching lightly, and with that he came inside of her, releasing a low grunt in the process. He nuzzled her throat and lowered her to the floor. She rested her head on his chest for a minute or two, savoring the feel of him. They spent the next ten minutes in the shower, soaping and washing each other's hair wordlessly. When she came out of the shower, Finnick handed her a fluffy white towel and dropped his gaze to the floor. He left the room. She knew he was crying again. Katniss finger-combed her hair and braided it to the side. She looked at her reflection in the mirror. She was visibly tired again. She felt like an emotional train-wreck. She was able to forget once again with Finnick's help, and it felt good like it did last time. As she dressed, she desperately waited for the guilt to take over her, to let her know it was wrong and that's not how she's supposed to deal with her emotions. It never came.


	7. Better Than Nothing

**A/N** - _not much of an introduction this time, but this one contains a lot of exchanges I've been dying to write. Read and don't forget to review :)_

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**Better Than Nothing**

Katniss spent the next couple of weeks away from both Peeta and Finnick, and also managed to avoid Gale, who wasn't really helping her cope either. Spending time with Prim seemed to calm her spirits. She made sure to visit her sister at the clinic as often as she could, keeping her company. Katniss and Prim spent a calm after noon that day. Katniss tickled Prim to extreme laughter when the front door of the sterile room opened with a loud thump following when it hit the wall. "Out", Haymitch simply gestured with his head.  
"I'll be right back", Katniss murmured to Prim under her breath and followed Haymitch outside.  
The second she closed the door behind her, Haymitch was already at her, and cupped her cheeks with both of his unsteady hands. Katniss tried to back off, but the door pressed to her back prevented any kind of movement. Haymitch simply held her still and examined her eyes. He tilted her head to the side a couple of times and nodded slightly to himself. Katniss only raised an eyebrow at him. Finally, Haymitch dropped his hands and hummed in agreement. He seemed satisfied.  
"You're off training first thing tomorrow morning", he stated.  
"What?" she asked surprisingly.  
"You heard me, it's time for you to move your ass, to get in shape"  
"So now they need me", Katniss mused aloud sarcastically.  
"No one needs you, you need you", he replied sharply.  
"Yeah, I don't think I'll be attending, thanks", she said and tried to step back into the room. Something's in Haymitch's eyes told her she shouldn't have done just that.  
"Oh, you're going to attend, I'll see you tomorrow"; he smirked at her evilly and turned to leave.  
"Aren't you a little too old for training?" she noted with a smile.  
"Aren't you a little too young for snarky bitter remarks?" he said with a snort and left.  
Katniss laughed quietly and leaned against the clinic's door. She had almost forgotten what it feels like to laugh, to be carefree even just for a minute.

She opened the door and stepped back into the room. Prim was standing on a chair and tried to get to the medicine cabinet. Katniss realized there was now a person lying on the bed beside Prim, but the chair seemed to block her sight and she couldn't see his face.  
"Need a hand?" she asked kindly and moved towards her sister. Prim only shook her head and showed Katniss the kit she managed to get from the cabinet. Katniss smiled proudly at her sister and helped her down from the chair.  
As Prim turned around to face the man on the bed, Katniss finally got a glimpse of his face. The unmistakably bronze perky hair flashed before her eyes followed by Finnick's face, who seemed to realize who was standing right in front of him. The look on his face was anything but surprised. He knew she would be there. In a sudden movement, Finnick propped his arm behind his head and crashed a tiny bottle containing colorless liquid in it to the floor. Prim gasped in shock and immediately dropped to the floor the clean up the mess. Katniss didn't budge and watched him carefully, but he only smirked wickedly. "Sorry", he said with a shrug to Prim, who only seemed flattered by _the_ Finnick Odair ruining her medical equipment by, what Katniss knew, was on purpose. "God I… I'll be back I need…" Prim gulped and got up clumsily, "well, a new one. You two… know each other. Katniss please keep him company while I'm… I mean gone", she managed to add awkwardly and practically ran off the room without saying another word. Katniss found it very hard to suppress a laugh, and so she laughed for a few seconds, letting it all out. Finnick joined her at some point, and they both laughed for a while. When Katniss's laughter trailed off, she realized what just happened and erased the smile off her face. Finnick followed her lead and fell silent again, a serious expression on his face.  
"I suck at keeping company, so…" Katniss broke the silence and stayed put. "I beg to differ", he raised an eyebrow and licked his lips seductively. She only rolled her eyes in response.  
"That was a one time thing, that's it".  
"Two time thing", he corrected her smugly.  
Despite their 'interesting' history, Katniss still felt comfortable around him and stepped closer to his bed, stopping mere inches from him. A closer look on his lower body revealed he was in a hospital gown, and the nasty cut on his thigh seemed to get worse. She forgot to take care of it.  
"Does it hurt?" she asked him and looked directly into his eyes. "Not really, it's just a cut", he said and winced in pain when she touched it lightly. He was lying.  
"I wasn't talking about the wound", Katniss confessed quietly and lingered her hand on his thigh.  
"Oh", he murmured softly and turned his head away from her gaze. It's been two weeks; she figured it might be time to actually _talk_ about it. _Sleeping_ about it didn't seem to work, and they both knew why. She took a step back and dropped her gaze to the floor.  
"Sometimes, yeah", he said and averted his eyes to the ceiling. Katniss nodded and Finnick caught it from the corner of his eye. "How about… you? I mean, how are things with… you know…" he trailed off when he realized his attempt to sound casual failed miserably.  
"Yeah, it's fine", she answered without any hesitation. His question brought her senses back to life and she couldn't bring herself to tell him the truth about Peeta and how he tried to kill her and that she didn't see him ever since. She even refused to hear about any kind of progress he was having ever since their unfortunate encounter. "Good, I mean I'm glad it's fine", he said and furrowed his eyebrows slightly. She knew he wasn't buying any of this, but she was thankful he was smart enough not to say a thing. She looked up at him again and cracked a smile at him and opened her mouth to speak at the same time as he was –  
"I'm starting to train tomorrow morning."  
"I think I might… miss you."  
By the time they realized what the other have said, Prim was already back in the room. She attended Finnick's wound immediately, and Katniss could see it was an act of sheer worry. His words stung badly. He wasn't supposed to miss her, not anymore. This wasn't what she had in mind. Finnick propped both of his elbows on the thin mattress and pulled up in order to get a better look of her and her reaction. She immediately looked away.  
"I should probably go", she said and turned on her heel.  
"Wait", Finnick called after her, his voice cracking. She stopped on her tracks, yet didn't turn around.  
"I… good luck tomorrow", he said weakly. Katniss murmured a low 'thank you' and left the room.

Katniss traveled through the hospital wing. She got to see Johanna a few days back, but she was still sedated at the time. When Katniss found her way back to her room, Johanna was very much awake and feisty as she remembered her. Katniss watched the nurse trying to get closer to Johanna with an injector, and whenever she got close enough to invade Johanna's personal space; Johanna would throw something and yell at her. The nurse ducked and stepped back miserably. Katniss chuckled and entered the room and dodged a flying bowl of porridge. It slammed on the wall behind the nurse's head who only shrieked and rushed out of the room as fast as she could, murmuring things about it only being her job and nut job victors. Katniss chuckled lightly and raised an eyebrow at Johanna, who only smirked at her and shrugged.  
"It's like you haven't changed one bit", Katniss noted.  
"Ignorant fucks tried to sedate me again ", Johanna replied and pointed to the fading marks on her arms, probably a result of failed attempts to inject the sedatives into her body. Katniss chuckled. She missed her strong language. She couldn't consider her much of a friend, but it's the closest she had to a non-male acquaintance that wasn't either making her cry, angry or just confused.  
"So when exactly are you getting out of this gorgeous white gown of yours?" Katniss asked with a grin.  
"If it's up to me, in about two minutes, when they finish making their rounds. You're going to kidnap me, and I don't give a damn if you you're not up for the job", Johanna simply said and fixed her pillows so she could scan the corridor through the window and get a better view of the doctors outside.  
"Fine, then get dressed. Oh, wait…" Katniss fake 'oopsed' and covered her mouth, hiding a sly smile. Johanna just grabbed a pillow and hurled it at her, it hit her face.  
"You might want to be a little more civilized if you want out", Katniss noted and chuckled when Johanna glared at her.  
"Coast is clear like a baby's butt", Johanna said after a long moment when she made sure there was no one around. She got out of the bed and hurried towards the door.  
"Move it Coal Head", she whispered to Katniss who followed shortly after.  
"Can you run?" Katniss asked when she caught up with Johanna.  
"Watch it; I can still kick your ass. Of course I can run. Did you honestly think I didn't pay any visits to our beloved friends while hospitalized?" Johanna snorted and quickened her pace until they were practically running. Katniss wondered if by friends she also meant Peeta, but realized it's not the best of times to ask. As soon as they got out of the hospital wing, they began walking again. Katniss panted heavily.  
"Glad to know the rumor is false", Johanna noted and patted Katniss on the shoulder lightly. Katniss furrowed her eyebrows and looked at her.  
"What rumor?"  
"Well they say sex with the fabulous Finnick Odair gets you in shape, but that's probably not the case right here", Johanna shrugged. Katniss didn't lose her composure. She somehow felt Johanna would know sooner or later. She and Finnick were apparently close.  
"I thought they say that on all of the victors", Katniss pointed out shamelessly.  
"True, but oh boy, the guy can get you running even if you're handicapped and sitting on a freaking wheel chair", Johanna smirked.  
"You're in no position to say anything about anyone, especially when this ridiculous gown barely even covers your ass", Katniss shot right back at her. There was no comfort zone with Johanna; she knew that, it's either this or nothing at all. Secretly, she enjoyed the banter more than she should have. It's been a while since she felt even slightly amused, and the entire character of Johanna was an amusement park for her in comparison.  
"Assuming you don't want to see any more of my ass than needed, a proper outfit might be needed", Johanna said as they got closer to the chambers.  
"Grey isn't really your color."  
"It might be the color of your cheek for the next couple of days though." Katniss chuckled at her threat and nodded in agreement.  
When they got to their chambers, Katniss brought Johanna some clothes and offered her the shower. Johanna took the offer gladly, but not before remarking a couple of sexual innuendos about Finnick and showers at which Katniss rolled her eyes and sighed.  
"Also, they might know where to find me, so look representable and flash a boob if you really need to", she added before closing the door behind her with a thump. Katniss dropped on her bed with a smile. She might have a partner for training after all.

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**A/N - **_How amazing is Johanna though?_


	8. Accidental Lessons

**A/N** - Things are heating up. Thank god for Johanna! Also thank you for all of your kind reviews. Keep them coming, they get me motivated. R&R! Enjoy :)

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**Accidental Lessons**

"Morning drunko", Johanna exclaimed to Haymitch as soon as they entered the training hall. He turned to face the both of them, a smirk upon his lips.  
"Aren't you supposed to be semi dead or anything remotely close?" he asked and wiggled his eyebrows. Katniss chuckled and realized he was the one who arranged Johanna's escape plan in the first place, and she happened to be a part of it.  
"Oh shut the fuck up", she said and grabbed one of her shoes, removed it from her foot and hurled it at Haymitch, who simply moved aside and grabbed it with his hand.  
"You might want to keep that if you want to train", he said and tossed the show back to her. She missed it when she realized what Haymitch meant. Katniss caught the shoe instead and smiled at Haymitch, who only raised an eyebrow at Johanna, waiting for her to react.  
"I… what?" she murmured, obviously in shock.  
"I went through a lot of shit to get you into this stupid list especially since you're meant to be hospitalized for another month or so, so put that fucking shoe back and go mingle", he said and walked past them, ruffling Katniss's hair in the process. She heard him exclaiming a "go at it, kid" when he was already far enough. Katniss smiled and shook her head. She fixed her messed up braid and glanced up at Johanna, who only seemed to grin like a maniac. She was obviously excited. Katniss knew about Haymitch's plan to get Johanna into shape again so she could fight like she always wanted. Katniss only snorted at him. It was hard for her to believe he'd manage to pull something like that off, but to her surprise, he did.

They trained for 8 hours straight. Katniss found herself struggling to keep up with Johanna's enthusiastic pace. She could clearly feel her muscles screaming with agony. Her body wasn't cooperating like she expected it to, but by the end of the day she could sense some progress and run a little bit longer without any additional stops in which she gasped for air and curled on the floor. When they got back to their chambers at the end of day Johanna couldn't stop ranting about the training being a 'load of bullshit' for not giving them any weapons yet, and then added a long speech of how she could practically kill Snow herself with a bunch of flying axes and even demonstrated with a pillow. Katniss chuckled softly and nodded in agreement. She could relate, she missed feeling the rough edges of the bow on her fingers, it made her feel whole. The both of them took a shower by turn and joined the others to dinner inside the general district dining hall. While Johanna practically swallowed the entire bowl hungrily, Katniss only picked on her food and tried to avoid Gale, who was sitting at the far end of the table, his eyes definitely looking for hers. Katniss could feel the regret he was trying to reflect, but she wasn't ready to deal with him and his accusing words. She stared at the flow of people coming through the entrance, glad she barely even recognized anyone in particular. She grabbed some rice with her spoon and tried to force it inside her mouth. She slightly choked when she saw Finnick stepping into the room, holding the hand of a tall, blonde, beautiful girl she did not know. Her jaw clenched and she averted her gaze back to Johanna, who only rubbed her belly, a satisfied smile on her face. She immediately straightened up when she saw the look on Katniss's face, and turned around, only to see exactly what Katniss saw a few seconds back.  
"What the hell? Who's this bitch? I thought you two were fucking or something", Johanna said and leaned in closer to Katniss, so no one could hear her.  
"We weren't 'fucking' and honestly I don't care him, or her, or whatever they are", Katniss hissed between clenched lips, trying her best not to display any unwanted emotion. Johanna raised both of her eyebrows and started laughing. Her laughter only grew louder with time, and people started looking soon enough. Katniss buried her head in her hands and prayed for Johanna to stop. She didn't want Finnick to look, but it was a little late for that. Every single person in the room stopped whatever they were doing only to look at Johanna. Katniss dropped her hands to the side and glared at Johanna.  
"Do you want to go back to the hospital? It would be far from a hassle to claim you've gone insane again and demand back the gorgeous hospital gown of yours", Katniss said with a low voice, strategically covering her mouth with one of her hands so no one would be able to read her lips. Johanna stopped laughing at once, but kept a huge, annoying smile plastered on her face. Katniss rolled her eyes and sighed in frustration. Shortly enough, people started whispering and returned to their business. Katniss glanced up and accidentally met Finnick's gaze. He was still staring at them. He sent her half a smile and turned his head away. She could see the blonde girl stroking his arm gently as they stood in line for the food. Katniss dropped her eyes to the floor.  
"Next time, try telling a complete idiot you don't give a damn about Gold Fish over there, he might believe you", Johanna noted and pointed a fork at her.  
"I don't", Katniss replied weakly and fell silent again. There was no use to deny, not anymore. She made herself look at him once again so she could force the pain in her heart to come along like it did when she noticed the girl by his side. It did, and it was extremely painful. The blonde girl stood so impossibly close to him, Katniss felt like jumping out of her chair and punch the tall girl for a good measure before storming off.  
"She's a bimbo, you can totally tell", Johanna followed Katniss's gaze and nodded to herself, "even though I gotta admit, I appreciate the view. Finnick knows how to choose them", Johanna added, whistled once and smirked at Katniss.  
Katniss rested both of her elbows on the table and stared at Johanna, her expression blank. Johanna obviously tried to crack her and get her to react, but she was determined to admit absolutely nothing and stay as cool as she can. At last, Johanna gave up the smirk and rolled her eyes.  
"Whatever, just don't forget I can read people", she said and got up from the table. Katniss watched her walking away, and a sad smile of triumph covered her lips. It was pretty hard to ignore the fact that she was lying to herself entirely. This wasn't supposed to happen. She sighed heavily and got up, leaving the full bowl of rice behind. Her appetite was long lost.

Her thoughts drifted away to Peeta and what he would think if he knew. Her feet traveled her up to the hospital wing. She stood by Peeta's window and watched him sleep. Unlike two weeks ago, the expression upon his face seemed peaceful, and she was relieved. She never asked about him ever since he tried to kill her, but something inside her told her he's on his way to a slow recovery and that she should be there for him when wakes, lucid at last. Her hand touched the thick, cold glass tentatively. The boy with the bread, the one she owes her life to is going to be okay. She smiled sadly and took one last glance at him before leaving. The schedule on her arm said it's almost time for curfew, but she couldn't bring her legs to walk faster. Her muscles ached with every step she took, and she realized it's going to take some time until she's going to gain full functionality of her limbs.

As soon as she turned into another corridor, she bumped into a man who was obviously running and struggling to breath.  
"Ms. Everdeen, Johanna Mason said there's an emergency and that you should meet her in the chambers, section four room number fifty-eight", he rumbled, bowed his head, got past her and continued running. Katniss frowned in confusion and turned around only to realize the man was already gone. She started walking a lot faster towards the chambers. She's never been to section four, since her and Finnick's room are in section two. She found her way easily though, and in a few minutes, she entered the section. It looked a lot like her own, and as she spotted room number one, she started running forward, counting the rooms until she got to fifty-eight. She opened the door and peaked inside suspiciously. The room seemed empty. She took a step inside the inspected the relatively dark room. "Johanna?" she exclaimed and reached for the light switch. "Katniss?" she heard a voice in the dark. She immediately pressed the switch and frowned when she saw Finnick. He seemed as confused as she was. They both snapped their heads towards the door when they heard the door getting locked. "This is my new room, so don't fuck on my bed. There's always the floor. See you bitches, enjoy!" they heard Johanna's voice followed by laughter echoing in the hallway outside the room.

"Son of a-"  
"Bitch", Katniss completed Finnick's sentence and leaned on door. She slowly slid down to the floor with a low thump and sighed. Finnick dropped on Johanna's bed.  
"What did she tell you to get you into here?" Katniss asked after a long moment of silence.  
"Quote 'I found your fucking trident!' enclose quote", Finnick answered with defeat. Katniss snorted and smiled at him. Johanna knew it was the only way to bring him over.  
"I feel cheated, she told me there's an emergency and I came in running", Katniss shrugged.  
"That is kind of lame", he admitted and tried to suppress a laugh, but failed miserably, so it came out as a weird snort. Katniss only nodded and dropped her gaze to the floor. His laughter seemed to melt her insides.  
"Want me to break the door?"  
"Curfew kicked in five minutes ago", she replied.  
"Oh…" he said, and suddenly found the ceiling very interesting.  
"Why? Are you in a hurry or…" Katniss bit her lip. She didn't mean to ask, it was none of her business, yet she blurted it out anyway. Touché.  
"Umm no, not really. I mean yes, it's just I was supposed to meet-"  
"Oh", Katniss said quietly. He was going to spend the night with the blonde girl, she realized.  
Finnick looked uncomfortable and fiddled with a rope he pulled out of his pocket.  
"Her name's Hayden and well she's-"  
"That's okay, you don't have to tell me. It's none of my business; you can date whoever you want", Katniss stopped him. She couldn't bear looking at her as it is; hearing about her was a complete different story and another level of pain she wasn't ready to deal with.  
"We're not really… I mean she's from my district, we used to be friends when I was younger and then she disappeared and I found her here and-"  
"Really, it's okay", Katniss raised her voice a bit, making herself clear. She wasn't interested in hearing about his new love interest or rebound or whatever she was to him. Finnick frowned and looked away. He seemed hurt.  
"Look, I'm sorry, it's just that I…" Katniss trailed off when she realized she has nothing to say to him.  
"It's fine. You disappeared two weeks ago. You want nothing to do with me, I get it. I should have figured it out a long time ago, but I was too naïve to think we were-"  
"We were what, Finnick?" Katniss interrupted him. He finally turned to look at her again, a look of sheer agony in his eyes. A ground shaking noise pierced the air between them when the first bomb fell on the surface of the underground district. The sirens went off a moment later. She smiled sadly. There was no happy ending written for her, not with him, not with anyone, not ever.


	9. The Bird And The Blood

**A/N** - I know I know, this one's extremely short, but I really wanted to update for you guys so it would be a weekly update, and I kinda hoped for more reviews? But yeah. R&R, and of course, enjoy!

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**The Bird And The Blood**

"Did you say anything about breaking the door?" Katniss yelled when the sound of the bombings took over the entire district. She found it difficult to even hear her own voice, and was surprised when Finnick smiled sadly in response and approached her. He reached out his hand to help her up, and she gladly took it, rising up to her feet in no time. She moved back a few steps, allowing Finnick to take over and kick the door open. He took couple of deep breathes and stepped back as well. He kicked the door forcefully a couple of times with his strong leg, but it didn't seem to budge at all.  
"Let's try together", Katniss said aloud when the sirens turned even louder if possible. They could clearly hear the sound of footsteps, possibly running inside the corridor. People were evacuating, she realized.  
"On my count", Finnick said and guided her to their starting point.  
"One, two, three-" he exclaimed and the both of them kicked the door on either side of it. Nothing happened. "Fuck", Finnick hissed under his breath. Katniss punched the door out of frustration and leaned on it.  
"You have got to be kidding me", she said and furrowed her eyebrows.  
"Do you think Johanna's safe?" Finnick asked, his eyes full of worry.  
"Yeah, I mean they probably shove people into these protected areas and she's trying to get away and save us as we speak", Katniss replied and smiled lightly at the thought of it.  
"Ooh, hear that?" Finnick snapped his fingers, "She just kicked a guard in the nuts". Katniss chuckled.  
"Any minute now", she said wearily after what only seemed like half an hour. The bombings seemed to fade, and they could hear one or two every ten minutes or so. An hour later, the attack was over. The sound of their own breath was all they could hear.  
"She's not coming, isn't she?" FInnick said in defeat and dropped on her bed again. Katniss nodded and sighed. The two of them avoided talking for a few hours, saying a necessary word or two every other minute so it wouldn't turn even more awkward than it already was. Katniss knew it was either this, or talking about what they've almost said before, and that wasn't an option. When Finnick noticed she was fighting the fatigue that was taking over her body, he smiled and offered her the bed.  
"I can sleep on the floor, it's okay", he said and patted on the mattress, inviting her. She narrowed her eyes and nearly scoffed at his suggestion, but then decided against it and realized it might be wise to get some sleep. As soon as she sat herself on the bed, Finnick took it as a queue to get off it, and sat on the floor beside the bed, his back leaned against the wall.  
"Do you want a pillow or something? There are two", Katniss offered when she settled under the warm covers of Johanna's bed.  
Finnick shook his head no. "It's fine", he said with a smile, his arms crossed.  
"Night", she said and bit her lip, turning her head away from him.

_"Stay alive, please, don't go, don't go", she whispered to Prim. The deep wound on her stomach continued bleeding dangerously, and her little sister murmured a bunch of words she could not understand. She leaned in closer and stroked her cheek. "Don't you die on me", she said, her eyes filling up with tears. Her sister smiled one last smile, finally giving away to the angel of death. Katniss held her head in her lap, her tears dropping from her chin straight to Prim's peaceful death face. Katniss raised her head and looked at the sky with blurry, tear-filled eyes. The light blue of the day changed into deep black full of horror in seconds. She lowered her head back to where her sister was just a moment ago, but as she realized her hands were empty, her sister was gone. She could still hear the death murmurs of her sister above her head. She searched for the source of the voice for various moments. She shivered when she saw the Mockingjay jumping off a tree, spreading his wings wide enough so it could fly towards her and land just in front of her. "Stop", she whispered to the bird, that only seemed to sing louder and louder, filling her ears with her sister's death wishes she could not get in time. "Stop!" she screamed at it with horror, and covered her ears. She closed her eyes as tight as she could, trying to block the sight and the noise and clear her mind. "Bring her back, please, bring her back", she murmured frantically in a cracked voice, her body shaking. She opened her eyes slowly and tried to adjust to the ever growing dark that surrounded her. The bird was gone, instead, she saw Peeta, an evil smirk upon his lips. He took a couple of steps towards her and dropped on his knees, extremely close to her. He held out a bloody dagger and rolled it between his fingers, tracing it like a lover would to his significant other. He reached out with his other hand and dipped his finger right onto the point of the dagger, drawing his own blood and what Katniss realized was Prim's blood. He smeared the joined blood on Katniss's forehead and smiled cheekily. "Maybe tomorrow", he said, his voice deep and full of something she did not recognize. With a swift motion, he grabbed the dagger and stabbed her directly on her heart, leaving it sticking from her chest before he simply walked away, whistling a district 12 tune she used to love. "No", she said as she tried to get up, blood dripping from her mouth, "No, Prim!" she screamed and tripped on the wet grass, "Come back, come back", she mumbled. The dagger pressed against her chest and went deeper, forcing her to stop crawling. "Maybe tomorrow", she heard Peeta's voice echoing, "Maybe tomorrow, Katniss", he said as she breathed her last breath. "Katniss", she heard him saying once again. "I'm dead, you're not here, I'm dead", she exclaimed, but no voice came out of her mouth. "Katniss", she heard him again. "Katniss!"_

She awoke at once, her body still thrashing and covered with cold sweat. The wet warmth on her face indicated the tears. "You're not dead, you're alive, you're safe", she heard Finnick's voice. He wrapped his strong arms around her to keep her from shivering violently. They lay there for a few minutes, until her body calmed itself down. She could feel the noticeable ache on her vocal cords. She must have screamed a lot. Her back was pressed against Finnick's chest, and by his unsteady breaths she knew he was still awake, watching her. She shifted in his arms and turned around to face him. He looked down at her with sheer worry, his eyebrows furrowed. He got up at once to a sitting position and was about leave the bed when she grabbed his arm and pulled him down, forcing him to sit back down. He looked at her with confusion. "No", she said and stopped to swallow whatever fear she had left from her nightmare, her throat as dry as it could be, "Stay", she simply said and let go of him arm in order to let him decide for himself. She could see the hesitation reflecting on his face for a slight second, but a moment later, she was back in his arms. He pressed her closer to his chest, covering them with a warm blanket. Katniss snuggled into him and tucked her nose in the crook of his neck. Finnick kissed her forehead gently and the both of them drifted to sleep. There were no more nightmares to hunt her that night.


	10. The Hardest Part

**A/N** - _So, this time, you get to see what's going on in Finnick's head for a change. The chapter is written all in Finnick's pov. Hope you guys like it! Also, sorry for not updating last week. I'm in the army, and well, Israel was in a war zone for 8 days, and I got in the middle of it, so yeah, I wasn't even home. Hopefully I'll be able to keep with my weekly updates though. Review and enjoy!  
_

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**The Hardest Part**

"Ew, someone, please, shoot the cordial lovebirds", Johanna said as soon as she opened the door wide open and witnessed both of her friends sleeping in each other's arms. When there was no response from them, Johanna grabbed a pillow from the closet and hurled at Katniss's head, who only shifted in Finnick's arms softly and hummed in peace.  
"Get out", Finnick murmured in a low, sleepy voice and stroked Katniss's arm.  
"This is _my_ room", Johanna noted and lifted their covers a bit, taking a peak. "Still dressed? Come on, this is a load of bull-"  
"Get out, we'll talk later", Finnick hissed, opened one eye only to glare at Johanna, and tightened his hold on Katniss in a protective move. Johanna only poked Katniss a couple of times on her forehead and bent down to take a better look at her. "Is she dead?"  
"No, she's just having a good night sleep for once, so-"  
"Fine, fine, I'll be out of your hair, but only if you tell me juicy later", she winked at him and tiptoed out of the room like a burglar. Finnick cracked a smile and kissed Katniss's hair gently.

Watching her sleep properly was a rare sight, he realized. Somehow, her hair still managed to smell like pine trees, and he couldn't get enough of the beautiful sight beneath him. His heart ached for her and skipped a couple of bits whenever she smiled. He was far from sure about these new feelings he's been developing, since he was still mourning the death of Annie, his broken heart healing in a slow pace. He did not want to rush or force anything, and whatever it is he had with that certain Girl On Fire seemed to vanish the minute Peeta landed on district 13's ground. A large pinball-sized spider caught his gaze as it walked towards Katniss on the wall behind them. Finnick grabbed one of the pillows on the bed, careful not to wake her up, and slammed it forcefully on the wall, trying to smash the spider. The spider seemed to catch it in time, and moved even faster, making Finnick miss.  
"Godammit", he hissed between clenched teeth and tried to slam the pillow again when he heard Katniss's murmurs.  
"Mmmk… what's with all the movement?" she said with a soft voice, her eyes still closed.  
"Uh, nothing, there's this spider I'm trying to-"

Katniss's scream screeched in the room and reached Finnick's ear like a sword, piercing it painfully. He blinked in surprise, and Katniss quickly straddled him, staring at the wall behind her in horror and clenching at his arms in a death grip. Her terrified expression was so funny, he tried really hard to suppress his laughter, but grinned anyway. "Really? A spider? You've seen people _die_", he said matter of factly and watched as her expression turned into a glare.  
"I know I just… have a thing for… Please just kill it", she said and pressed herself even harder onto him when the spider started moving again. Finnick groaned softly as he realized she might have pressed a little too hard and his male parts seemed to respond rather quickly. He grabbed the pillow again and hurled at the spider a couple more times until it fell helplessly on the floor, possibly dead or just badly injured. A sigh of relief escaped Katniss's mouth and she rested her head on Finnick's chest.  
"Want to talk about it?" he said with a cheeky smile.  
"No, just forget it happened", she whispered. As she shifted to adjust her head on his chest, she grinded on top of him slightly and he bit his lip. He knew it's a matter of time until she'll be able to feel the telltale hardness in his trousers, and decided it might be better to get her off him. The last thing he wanted was it to be awkward between them again.  
"Ugh", he fake-growled in pain, his eyebrows furrowed.  
"Oh… I'm so sorry, did I hurt you?" Katniss shot right back up to a sitting position in concern. Finnick clenched his teeth and tried not to move so she wouldn't feel the ever growing problem right beneath her. It seemed like he was too late, as she slowly bowed her head down to look at his groin, her eyebrows raised high up with surprise. Finnick took the opportunity and slid up so he could lean on the wall, and she would end up sitting on his legs instead. She was taken aback by his movement, and eyed him suspiciously with a sly smile.  
"I'm sorry… was that-"  
"My thigh, it still hurts, sorry", Finnick replied quickly. The look of concern was back to Katniss's eyes immediately and she started pulling on his trousers.  
"Eh, what are you…"  
"Not making you to have sex with me, don't worry. I just want to take a look at your wound", she said and peeled the first half of his trousers off him. Finnick sighed in defeat. There was no way she wouldn't notice now. The obvious tent stood tall and proud in his boxers, and there was nothing he could do about it. And indeed, she noticed, but to Finnick's surprise, she ignored it, and just bit her lip as she looked at it for a slight second. She averted her gaze to the visible wound on his thigh, and traced it lightly with her fingers.  
"Looks like it's healing", she said and brought her face back up to look at him.  
"Thanks to your sister of course, and well Hayden, she takes care of it for me too", he said and winced at the loss of contact as she quickly jumped off him, standing on the floor with her back to him. He lied to himself when he thought she wouldn't react badly to Hayden's name, but then again, he wasn't really thinking.  
"Katniss…"  
"Good, I'm glad she takes care of you", she said, her face still hidden from his sight.  
"Look, you were gone, and I…" he trailed off when she turned around, and realized it's best if he didn't say anything at this point due to the mixed emotions reflecting on her face. He could not read any of them. Not knowing how she feels wasn't a stranger to him as of late, yet he never got accustomed to the idea either.  
"You should go. She must be concerned about your whereabouts." Katniss said coldly and took a couple of steps towards the door, never removing her gaze from his. When he didn't say anything, she simply bowed her head, turned around and walked towards the door.  
"Katniss…" he said with a cracked voice and stared at the floor. She hadn't heard him. She was gone.

He pulled and buttoned his pants back up and adjusted his arms behind the nape of his neck. He had absolutely nothing to offer her. He was a broken man, and that's the last thing she needed as she was broken beyond repair as well. He had nothing to promise, nothing to give, nothing but his broken heart on a platter, and it wasn't her job to fix it, to fix him. He needed to be a better man for his own sake and then for her. He banged his head against the wall softly a couple of times. He might not have a chance at all, and all she might see in him is pure solace and someone to be with until Peeta wakes up or just until they die by an unfortunate circumstance. He decided he's not ready to find out just yet. The thought of her training happily, aiming her precious bow towards stationary targets, running and jumping with Johanna by her side, made him smile. It's what she really wanted all along, he knew. And soon, he was going to join her. He was going to fight for her, and there was no better way to do it than to get in shape and topple Snow's government for the sake of them all. He got up and stretched his limbs, taking a deep breath in the process. He quickly arranged the sheets on Johanna's bed so she wouldn't assassinate him later. After he placed the pillow on top of the bed, he looked at it with a satisfied look. It looked like it was brand new, and that's exactly what he was trying to make himself feel. He left Johanna's room and walked back his room to take a shower, and then, maybe breakfast. Yes, breakfast might be good start.


	11. Crawling Back To Goodbye

**A/N** - _First of all, I'd like to thank you guys for the kind reviews, they really get me going. Also I'm so sorry for being late with the update, hopefully I'll be able to make up for it and post another chapter this week. And of course, as one of the reviewers mentioned, my grammar seem to suck (nothing new here though) but i'm really trying my best to improve especially since English isn't my native language. If you're interested in being my beta, let me know, I'll gladly take you with open arms :) Enjoy and don't forget to review!_

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**Crawling Back To Goodbye**

"Come on, wait up!" Johanna exclaimed and ran towards Katniss, who already crossed the finish line a long moment ago. Johanna placed both of her hands on her knees the minute she reached Katniss, and tried to catch her breath. "That… might be a first, but bitch, you can run", she admitted while panting heavily. Katniss only nodded with a hard look on her face and started stretching.  
"Good job! There's a definite improvement in the running department. Take five to rest", their guide said with a small smile.  
Johanna patted on Katniss's shoulder and started stretching as well. After a couple of minutes of silence, Johanna growled disapprovingly.  
"Hell, even a fish is more talkative than you are today", she grumbled and stood up at once, waiting for Katniss's answer, to which the former only shrugged and remained silent, her eyes cold.  
"Is it Fish Brains? What the hell even happened between you two last night?" Johanna urged on and crossed her arms. Katniss stopped her movements only to give Johanna a long, meaningful look.  
"I'm sorry, have you taken the vows of god? Or is it just the fact that you moaned so loud last night you kind of lost your voice?" Johanna said and winked. She knew it would get a good reaction out of her, and it did. Katniss rose to her feet at once and stomped as far as she could get away from Johanna, still silent all along. Johanna simply huffed in frustration and cursed the seven mothers of the Capitol.

"So what exactly do I have to do to get myself into these training sessions?" Finnick asked Haymitch, who only ignored him as a response and smoked what Finnick only recognized as an old fashioned thing called 'pipe'.  
"Is it even allowed in here?" Finnick asked in awe. Haymitch only blew a smoke cloud at Finnick's face as a response.  
"I'll take that as a yes", Finnick sighed and leaned back against his chair.  
"Look, I can't promise you anything, especially since you're still injured, but I'm going to try", Haymitch eventually said in a scruffy voice, rubbing his chin with his thumb. Finnick realized it's the best he could get at the moment, and decided to leave.  
"Let me know", he called and then exited the room with slow steps. So much free time in his hands, so little to do. An idea popped into his mind. He shoved his head through the door again.  
"I know I'm not enrolled yet, but is it possible to… well, visit? Watch, maybe?" Finnick asked with mischief. Haymitch crooked a smile and shrugged. Finnick took it as a green light and hurried over to the training center. He figured Katniss won't be too happy to see him, but he might as well try. The one thing he learned from sleeping with all of these Capitol women is that the whole female kind appreciates effort. Of any kind.

"So, does anybody know why you're not allowed to carry weapons just yet?" Their guide asked the minute they all sat down as instructed. A dozen of hands were raised in a moment. The guide walked in between the lines and studied each and every single future-soldier carefully, eyeing them. She stopped her tracks right beside Katniss's chair, placed her hand on the back of it, and said nothing. Katniss rolled her eyes. She wasn't the one to talk, and the guide knew that, also she wasn't in a much 'giddy' mood right now and the thought of Finnick reminding her of that blonde bimbo got her to clench her jaw even harder. Nope, she wasn't going to get her talking. Not today.  
"Johanna? Would you like to answer instead seeing as your fellow victor friend will not speak for the next decade?" The guide said when she realized it's either this or nothing.  
Johanna blinked in surprise and looked around in search for the origin of the voice. Clearly enough for everyone and even the guide, she was far from attentive a few moments earlier. Their guide merely rolled her eyes.  
"You wouldn't want them to kick ass so early, wouldn't you?" they all heard a voice coming from the back of the room. Finnick leaned on the door, his arms crossed and a winning grin upon his lips, indicating his amusement.  
"Ah, mister Odair, it's nice of you to join us, but as far as I recall, you are not on the lists", their guide said and stayed put, not even turning her head to look at him in awe like the rest of the class did, with the exception of Katniss of course, who only sat there with a dark expression on her face, as if she was about to get up and murder the charming intruder at once.  
"Hopefully, that's about to change", he muttered under his breath and shifted uncomfortably.  
"May I stay and watch?" he added, trying to search the room for Katniss. He furrowed his eyebrows when he realized she was the one seating beside the female guide, with her back to him.  
"Do as you please", the guide replied. Finnick caught Johanna's gaze.  
"What the fuck have you done?" she mouthed, knowing he was quite an expert in reading lips. Finnick shook his head and rolled his eyes, gesturing with both of his hands to create a big, moving mouth. Johanna seemed to understand and gave him the middle finger.  
"I told you to stop talking", she mouthed again and turned back around to face the big black old fashioned chalk board, pretending to exam the large map of Panem that was hanging from it.

The class went on for another thirty minutes, in which Finnick tuned out everything that was going on in that room and never dared to take his eyes of Katniss, who simply remained in her seat, uninterested in her surroundings. As soon as class was dismissed, a couple dozens of future-soldiers rushed through the door, crushing Finnick in the process. All along, he tried to raise his head and see beyond the many people in the room in order to find Katniss. "Fix this", Johanna whispered firmly in his ear as she brushed by him on her way out. When the last of people left, he looked outside the door to see if he managed to miss her by accident, but she wasn't there. He returned to the class to get one last glimpse of it, and to his surprise, there she was, still on her chair, with her back to him. He stood aside and studied her for a couple of minutes. Hesitation seemed to eat his gut and he couldn't decide whether it was time for him to approach or just leave her be. He breathed deeply and gulped the lump formed in his throat and started taking small steps towards her. He was never that afraid of talking to her ever before. This time he really did mess up, and they both knew it.  
"Hey", he said in a cracked voice when he reached her, standing behind her chair. Her expression was still hidden from him due to their position. She did not answer. Finnick fell silent again and stroked the stubble on his chin. "Look, I'm really sorry about before, I didn't mean to-"  
"I don't have time for this, for you. I have to go", she said as she got up at once. He didn't even blink and she was already walking past him, her steps firm.  
"Goddammit", he hissed to himself, turned around and jogged to catch up with her. He reached the door before she did, and simply blocked it with his body.  
"Wait, I know you need your time, I do, I just wanted to tell you it's going to be different from now on… I'm going to be better, _this_ is going to be better", he said and dropped his eyes to the floor, not daring to look at her.  
Finnick felt his chin being lifted up by Katniss's thumb, a look of compassion inside her eyes.  
"You're right, this isn't the time and I'm not sure it's ever going to be time. I have Peeta, and you had Annie, and you're obviously still mourning. This, whatever this is, it's not real, it's just our emotions playing us in times of need, of loneliness, of desperation. We're broken hearted, and it's easier to think there's someone out there for us, waiting when it's dark. I want you to focus on yourself, on getting healed, on letting it all out, even if it's with her, I'm happy for you, I still care about you and I will watch you from afar", she said tenderly with clear ache in her trembling voice.  
Sharp pain shot through his chest like a seven inch long knife, stabbing him in all the right places, making him bleed out for her, for her words he didn't want to hear. He searched for any kind of doubt, of hesitation in her eyes, but he found none, her eyes were placed on her own shoes, staring down, hiding from him. He slid his thumb and forefinger under her chin, much like she did to him a few moments before, and tried to lift her chin up so he could get a better look of her face. She quickly grabbed his hand with hers with restraint, and pushed his palm away. "No", she said weakly as his hand dropped to his sides in defeat.  
"I… I will see you around, Finn", she said, and with that, he stepped aside and let her walk out of the room, or maybe from his life for a good measure of time. He didn't want to think of forever. It's the first time she called him Finn. He liked it.

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**A/N** - _It's the last of goodbyes for now. I just figured they need some time apart. What did you think?_


	12. Remembered

**A/N**- I'm so so sorry for the 2 months wait, I'm a total ass for keeping you guys waiting that long, but the army has been kicking my ass lately and well, I was barely even around. Also the lack of reviews isn't really motivating so yeah, there's also that. Hopefully you'll love the chapter as I do. Read, enjoy and don't forget to review :)

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**Remembered**

"This is the day. This is the day you will never forget. This is the day all of you are getting a title added to your name, the most important title of them all. More important than Doctor, more important than Professor, much more important than your own name. From this day on, you will be fighting for and on Panem's behalf. For your friends, for your family, for the ones that got killed during the horrible games and President's Snow's method of ruling our country, our captivated country. This is the day for each of you to understand," the chief commander started moving towards the line of soldiers, punching each one on their shoulder blades just once, each blow harder than the one before "What it is that lays on your shoulder every day you wake up. We have a mission, and it will be done, no matter how long it takes. As from today, your commanders will be proud to call each and every one of you a soldier, a trained soldier to fight by our side, to bring peace upon our souls, and most of all, freedom. We need to achieve our most deserved freedom", he finished as he punched the last of soldiers.  
Upon hearing the word freedom, Katniss cringed. She didn't like the word, it made her feel like she's trying to jump through a burning loophole, and it's standing way too high to reach. She never said the word out loud, yet by heart, yes, many times. There was no freedom in Panem, never was. Katniss straightened her neck and stood tall, waiting for the chief commander to finish the ceremony.  
"I would like to congratulate two of our best soldiers, who were able to excel and rise above the top during training. For months now, they were the ones you should have looked up to, the ones to imitate, learn from, and follow. I would like to invite soldier Katniss Everdeen and solider Finnick Odair to accept this pin, shaped as a Mockingjay, representing a symbol to bravery and the upcoming battles faced by our ranks", he said and stopped his tracks, waiting for both Katniss and Finnick to stand by his side.  
She wasn't surprised to say the least, but she wasn't cocky either. She realized long before that Johanna was the better candidate, yet knew she was Coin's target all along, and making her the best female soldier upon their ranks made her stand out the most and take the full responsibility of being the Mockingjay and the symbol of the rebellion. She started walking towards the chief commander, Finnick joining her a moment later. As they paced in joined rhythm like they were taught to, as soldiers, Katniss noticed Finnick's calculated frown. It seemed like he wasn't too happy about the whole thing either, and she had reasons to believe he might have realized the same thing that she has. He was now forced to be a key leader in the rebellion, whether he liked it or not. She cracked a small smile and lowered her head, hoping he didn't catch her smiling. They weren't really speaking ever since their unfortunate conversation three months ago. As soon as they reached the chief commander, they stood at once, by his side, shoulder to shoulder. The tall officer moved and fixed the golden Mockinjay pin upon Katniss's uniform lapel. When he finished, he grabbed her collar and straightened it with his thumbs, catching her eyes.  
"You be careful kid", he said with a soft voice, as low as he could so no one would hear him. She nodded slowly and he let go of her collar and moved on to Finnick. Katniss turned her head and looked at him. He caught her gaze and looked back, mouthing a "congratulation", to which she only nodded and turned her head back to look at the line of new soldiers standing right in front of her. Johanna smiled brightly at her and winked. Katniss smiled back.  
The chief commander went back to his spot beside the both of them and stood still. The anthem of district 13 started playing, and the whole room attached their right palm to their lips and raised it up high, holding their thumb and their little finger down and the rest of their fingers up in the air, the official hand gesture and symbol of the rebellion.  
"Order is released", the chief commander announced. Each and every soldier grabbed their peaked cap and tossed it in the air, grabbing it a moment later with loud laughter and joy. A mass of people reached out and grabbed Katniss, hugging, shaking her hand and congratulating her. Katniss smiled and responded warmly to the greetings, hugging back tightly and swatting backs. These people came to be her second family during these rough months.

"Ah, you're so full of yourself", she heard Johanna as she pushed people aside in order to reach Katniss.  
Katniss grinned and simply grabbed her hand, pulling her into a tight hug.  
"So are you", she whispered in Johanna's ear.  
Johanna grabbed Katniss's ass jokingly and released her from the hug.  
"So how are you excelling so far?" she asked and wiggled her eyebrows.  
Katniss didn't respond at first, but then started tagging on her Mockingjay pin, removing it from her uniforms. Johanna gave her a questioning look, to which Katniss responded with pulling her closer by grabbing her shirt, and attaching the pin to Johanna's lapel instead.  
"What are you doing you fucking nuthead?" Johanna asked and tried to escape Katniss's attempt to attach the pin. Katniss grabbed her with more strength until the task was complete. She grabbed both of Johanna's shoulders. "There", she said with a proud smile.  
"What are you doing? It's yours", Johanna said with a puzzled look on her face.  
"No, it's definitely yours. Should have been, at least. Besides, I already have one, so…" Katniss said and shook her friend with both of her hands. Johanna shrugged with a hint of a smile on her mouth.  
"Whatever. You're still a freak", Johanna noted and started walking with Katniss towards the exit.

Katniss sighed happily. "I'm heading towards to hospital wing to see-"  
"Peeta, yes, I figured", Johanna said and tried to find the door between the mass amount of people.  
"How is he really?" Johanna asked and started giving high fives to a few people who dared to call themselves her 'friends'.  
"Well you know, alive, awake. He's still trying to retrieve his memories and I'm just helping, you know?" Katniss said with a low voice. She wasn't comfortable of speaking about Peeta's condition publicly. Part of her also just didn't want people to know she was seeing him so they wouldn't start speculating about the nature of their relationship, which was still unknown, even to her. Katniss stopped walking and stood by Johanna, who started a small conversation with one of the officers.  
She looked around the room for him, and there he was, sitting on a small chair in the corner, with Hayden on his lap, hugging her. Katniss smiled sadly and looked away. It could have been them, maybe in another world or another time.  
She shook her head and tried to integrate in Johanna's conversation with the officer when a warm hand touched her shoulder. She turned around only to face Finnick. She backed away with surprise and almost tripped on Johanna, who noticed their new company, yet didn't bother to put a hold on her other conversation.  
Finnick chuckled and grabbed Katniss's hand in order to balance her out. She pried her hand from his the minute she felt it lingering more than it should have been.  
"I… well I just wanted to congratulate you really, I just never thought it will take you by surprise like that", he said with a hint of laughter.  
"I'm sorry, I'm just a little… shocked, by all of this, I don't know what overcame me", she mumbled, "but yes, I should congratulate you too, so… congratulations", she said awkwardly and reached her hand for him to shake. Finnick looked at it for a moment and then just pushed her hand away with his, and pulled her for a hug instead.  
"It doesn't mean we can't be friends", he whispered in her ear softly. Katniss frowned in confusion and then realized he was talking about their last actual conversation three months ago, in which he promised to change, to be better for her.  
"I agree", she said and tried to end the hug, yet he didn't let go.  
"Good", he said, squeezed once more and released her. He then reached out his hand and she shook it warmly. "Friends?" he asked with a bright smile upon his face. Katniss nodded and cracked a small smile.  
"Friends", she responded. The minute she started feeling the touch becoming lingering again, the blonde tall girl appeared behind Finnick, and grabbed his other hand, pulling him away from Katniss while chirping and talking to no ear in particular. Finnick tried to stay and finish the kind-of-conversation properly, but was quickly dragged away. He sent Katniss an apologetic look and followed the blonde helplessly.  
"How many times can you tell a man he's a total rag?" Johanna referred to Finnick and started walking again, forcing Katniss to keep up and join her. She must have tried to tune in at some point of their conversation with Finnick, Katniss realized and smiled.  
"I'm off to see Peeta", Katniss said as they reached the door.  
"Uh no, wait a minute. What did he tell you?" Johanna asked with curiosity all over her face.  
"Eh, he just suggested we should be friends. Well you know because-"  
"He has Hayden, you have Peeta, blah blah blah, poor lovers talk", Johanna said and rolled her eyes impatiently.  
"Well, yeah", Katniss agreed with her brows furrowed, not understanding Johanna's response.  
"And what if I tell you he doesn't really have her? And you don't even have Peeta, not yet at least", Johanna said and pierced Katniss's eyes.  
"What does it have to do with anything? We can't be together", Katniss hissed angrily.  
"Why the hell not? Give me a good reason and I promise to let go of this subject forever", Johanna urged on.  
Katniss opened her mouth and closed it again a moment later. She was about to respond with 'because', but that was no way near an actual answer Johanna expected to hear. She lowered her head and kept silent.  
Johanna raised both of her eyebrows, a satisfied look on her face.  
"Fact is, at the end of the day, you have to live with yourself. You do the math and get back to me when you're ready", Johanna said and turned to leave.  
"Wait! What did you mean when you said he doesn't really have her?" Katniss asked.  
"Does it really matter? You two can't be together, remember?" Johanna remarked and simply left. Katniss closed her eyes and rubbed her temple.

"How was it?" Peeta asked as soon as she sat by his side on his hospital bed.  
"Okay I guess. I'm a soldier now", she said, not mentioning the pin.  
"That's good, right?" he asked.  
She only nodded in response and tucked the thin hospital blanket around him.  
"You should be asleep by now, it's past midnight", she said.  
"Isn't it way past curfew? How are you going to get back to your room?" he asked, a confused expression upon his face. Katniss smiled geniuinely and tilted her head aside.  
"I'm a soldier, I can do whatever I want. No more curfews", she said and stroked his hair.  
"And no more visiting hours? You can come whenever you want?" he asked in a hopeful voice. Katniss chuckled in response.  
"No more visiting hours", she confirmed.  
He smiled cheekily and closed his eyes, prepared to sleep.  
"I'm so glad you're the first person I remembered. I'm sorry I tried to kill you", he said with a low voice, taking her hand in his.  
"I know", she said and brushed her thumb on his knuckles, waiting for him to fall asleep.  
She didn't know whether she was meant to be killed, but she did know she was meant to be remembered.


	13. Lost and Found

**A/N** - _Thank you for all the kind reviews! Keep them coming :) Also, I would like to apologize about my horrible, horrible grammar and other mistakes. Enjoy!_

* * *

**Lost and Found**

"You have got to be kidding me! We did not come this far to be told that the 'Nut' can't be touched", Gale yelled in the conference room, punching the wooden table as fiercely as he sounded. Katniss cringed at his tone. She nearly forgot how he's like when he's angry. It's been that long.  
"We're trying to figure it out, trust me", Beetee answered in a calm tone, stroking his forehead in frustration.  
"I don't care how many citizens we kill, they all deserve it for association with these capitol murderers only", Gale hissed between clenched teeth.  
Katniss caught Finnick's eye. He slightly shook his head.  
"Silence. This is not how the discussion was meant to be held", Boggs said, obviously annoyed by Gale's remarks.  
"The information we got is only by report. We wouldn't know until we see it with our own eyes. It's hard to judge until then", Plutarch confessed and slumped into his chair.  
Plutarch's words seemed to stir something in Gale, and Katniss could clearly see the spark ignited in his eyes.  
"When do we leave?" He asked enthusiastically, gripping the edge of the table.  
"In a week or so", Boggs answered.  
Katniss noticed Gale's crooked smile and nodded to herself in realization. This journey would be so much more than it would have been without Gale in it.  
"It's settled then. Good. Council is released. Soldiers Odair and Everdeen, remain", Plutarch said, struggling not to laugh right after. He wasn't accustomed to the ridiculous titles, but he knew he had to set example, and so he did. Katniss grinned knowingly and lingered on her chair, waiting for everyone to leave but her and Finnick. Gale sent her a look right before exiting the room. She followed him with her eyes, letting him know she's aware of his attention. He simply bowed his head and left the room.

"So, soldiers, how funny is that?" Plutarch started with a chuckle, trying to sound as positive as he could. Katniss caught on that and knew she wasn't going to be pleased to hear whatever he has to say. Finnick looked at Plutarch with suspicion as well.  
"Cut to the chase", he said boldly and tensed in his chair. Plutarch's smile disappeared as quickly as it came.  
"You two are sharp as steel", he confessed and fiddled with the multiple rings on his hands nervously. Finnick clenched his jaw and sent Plutarch a threatening look.  
"Find your words", he said with impatience.  
Plutarch gulped and looked around the room nervously. Katniss examined the exchange carefully.  
"I know the things I'm going to say might not be well received, but know that it must be done", he opened, his eyes far from sight. "As both of you know, Katniss is a major part of our campaign, serving as our Mockingjay. Unfortunately, it's been decided that it's not enough, and an attempt to break the Capitol's television programming has been made, and turned out to be successful. We managed to air for a few seconds that will hopefully turn to minutes with time", he explained and paused to look at each of them. The look of indifference within their eyes seemed to calm him and he continued. "As a result of the successful trial, we are going to prepare a bunch of propos, or said interviews, starring the two of you", he finished and exhaled, relieving the pant up tension in his lungs.  
Katniss furrowed her eyebrows.  
"Meaning..?" she asked and moved her body forward to lean on the table.  
"You're going to be interviewed about the most intimate details of your lives by a special filming crew we managed to get. The purpose is of course to let the districts know you're alive, willing to fight, and open the eyes of the public about the horrors, death and deception of the Capitol. It will serve us until an actual plan to topple Snow's government will come to life", he said.  
"No. I will not participate in any of this", Finnick announced in a loud voice. Katniss's heart pinched. She already knew about Finnick's past as a 'whore' of the Capitol, serving to please whoever, whenever. But never, despite the significant time they spent in each other's company, she got to hear about the exact details. He never wanted to really talk about it, and so she never asked.  
"I'm afraid you have no choice", Plutarch said in a low voice, looking at the watch on his wrist.  
"In fact, you're due to be filming in exactly fifteen minutes", he added and looked at Finnick with compassion.  
Finnick got up all of a sudden, making his chair fall to the floor with a loud thump.  
"Who is she to make me? She doesn't even know me. I will not be some puppet again!" he yelled the words, obviously referring to Coin, each one coming with a large portion of poison against the system, the one he hated the most.  
Plutarch looked at Katniss with eyes of full of fear, pleading. Katniss silently gestured with her eyes to the door and then looked back at Plutarch. He nodded briefly.  
"I'll leave you to it", he said and got up, leaving the room.  
Finnick stood in place, both of his fists clenched and by the side of his body. She knew he was trying not to burst with rage, tears, laughter and other million emotions his eyes reflected.  
"We have to do this Finnick", she said softly while slowly getting up from her chair and walking towards him.  
"No we don't", he replied angrily.  
"Yes we do. Do you realize the effect of these propos on the lives these hopeless people?" she said and halfway through the sentence, realized she believes in what she says. She thought she was going towards an inspirational speech, but alas, she was wrong.  
"I know… I just never really talked about this, and the thought makes me…" his entire body tensed.  
Katniss nodded knowingly, as she felt the same.  
She reached for his shoulders and lowered his back down for a hug, gripping at him as tight as she could.  
"I know", she whispered softly in his ear. She reminded herself they were friends now, and this is what a friend does, and with that, she pushed every stray thought from her head, focusing on the sole purpose of it all.  
She could gradually feel his body relaxing, and he finally hugged her back, murmuring a low 'thank you' while slightly nuzzling her neck.  
Strange heat and guilt started creeping up her throat as she quickly pulled away, hoping he hadn't noticed.  
She pulled him by his arm and started walking, making her follow.  
She wasn't too keen about the interviews, but she wanted to be over as soon as it could.

Plutarch waited by the door for them, and escorted them to a small room.  
A large white canvas decorated one of the walls. A stool was placed a few steps from the canvas, facing a large camera and other equipments.  
"Hi, I'm Cressida", greeted a bald, short woman, reaching her hand out for Katniss and Finnick to shake.  
Katniss was taken aback by the gesture. She didn't expect the crew to be this… 'warm'. Finnick shook Cressida's hand first, followed by Katniss.  
"These are Castor and Pullox", Cressida pointed at the two almost identical brothers standing behind her.  
"Hi", Castor said and shook their hands warmly as well. They moved on to Pullox, who only smiled in recognition. "Excuse him, he doesn't talk", Castor apologized with a smile.  
"An Avox…" Katniss mused aloud.  
"Yep, that's what they call it", Castor said bitterly.

"Okay then! Let's move on to work, shall we?" Cressida said with enthusiasm.  
"I'll be first", Finnick surprised Katniss when he volunteered, walking with defeat towards the stool. He wanted it to be over even more than she did.  
As Finnick rolled the story in the ear of the crew and herself, Katniss couldn't help but sit in silence, her body cringing whenever he mentioned the men and women taking advantage of him, stealing his soul with every appointment and encounter. He started crying at one point, and Cressida ordered to pause so he would be able to gain back his composure. Finnick stepped aside, with his back to her, signaling her to stay put and let him be alone for a moment.  
Her legs nearly moved on their own will, wishing to bring him comfort, to hold him in her arms, to tell him he's a brave man for going through it all without a word for years just to keep his family and closed ones safe. As reckless as she was, she knew that in his place, she wouldn't have lasted a week.  
He returned to the stool with his eyes still aflame with hatred and frustration.  
He continued talking about the many secrets he to came know about over time and the difficult status as a Capitol 'heartbreaker', making it even harder whenever he went back home and questions started to rise upon the surface.  
"Cut! Thank you, Finnick", Cressida said when they finished.  
Finnick remained in his stool for a few moments, staring at the camera, emptiness in his eyes.  
"We'll take a twenty-minute long break and then we'll continue with you", Cressida told Katniss as she and the two siblings left the room in silence.  
Katniss walked over to Finnick, lowering herself to a position within eye level, piercing his eyes with hers.  
"I am so proud of you", she whispered and stroked his cheek with the back of her hand. He seemed to have woken all of a sudden, understanding his surroundings and the mighty effect of her presence.  
He placed his hand upon hers and grabbed it tightly in gratitude. Katniss closed her eyes and attached her nose and forehead to his without much thought. It felt too natural, too safe. It felt like home.  
She could clearly feel his tears upon her cheek when her lips found his. She kissed him softly once, twice, when her sense came back to haunt her, making her pull away automatically. Finnick, who wasn't quite responsive right until that moment, regained his senses as well, yet simply grabbed her chin and pulled her back to him, kissing her with passion.  
It took Katniss a moment or two to realize she somehow managed to snake her arms around his neck, pulling him closer in the process. Her power of will and reason seemed to have abandoned her once again without further notice. Her mind started screaming at her that this wasn't supposed to happen after all this time, not now, not like this, not ever, not to them. She pulled away again, far from his reach this time, her eyebrows furrowed with confusion, her heart swelling with sudden pain, already missing the feel of him in her arms, on her lips, his breath stroking the soft skin of her cheeks.  
Finnick returned an identical look and opened his mouth only to close it again a moment later at loss of words, unable to speak his conflicted mind.  
His eyes turned to look at something behind her that caught his attention, his eyebrows raised in sheer surprise and shock.  
Katniss slowly turned her head to look at the same direction only to find Peeta at the doorway, all dressed up in his new gray uniforms, his cheeks wearing a healthy color once again.  
"Ah, there she is", she heard Haymitch's voice when he came behind Peeta and stopped on his tracks the moment he realized what he walked in to.  
The look on Peeta's face was too much to bear. Katniss forced herself not to look away despite of how ashamed, broken and empty she felt. She owed him that much respect at least. Katniss clenched her teeth and tried to swallow the lump formed inside her throat. She was more lost than found.

* * *

**A/N** - _Just to clarify, I was against the idea of Peeta finding out like this, and it wasn't easy to write, but I just felt that's the direction it should be heading. No mercy for anyone :)_


	14. With A Heavy Heart

**A/N** - _You guys are awefully silent lately. My reviewers have gone to sleep when I didn't notice apparently. Come back? Anyways, for the one comment saying it's a love square, Gale is far away from the race at the moment, so no square here. Also I wouldn't even call it a triangle if you know what I mean, but yeah, Katniss knows better :) Enjoy and don't forget to review!_

* * *

**With A Heavy Heart**

Katniss could clearly feel Finnick's breathe coming short when Peeta finally broke the tense silence in the room.  
He simply turned his head around and looked at Haymitch for a moment.  
"I might not be ready after all", he said, his eyebrows furrowed.  
Haymitch seemed to be startled by the unexpected referral and looked at Peeta with confusion.  
"Ah, what? Yeah…" he mumbled uncharacteristically, obviously dumbstruck.  
He blinked furiously and shook his head, gaining back his composure. Katniss wasn't sure about the cause of his reaction, since he was basically the first to know she and Finnick had a thing, and he had nothing to be surprised about.  
"You got discharged, you're definitely ready kid", Haymitch responded, one of his eyes wandering to look at their direction and the other one looking at Peeta. Peeta shook his head, showing his disagreement, and walked out of the room.  
"Apparently I'm not", he said with a low voice, full of hurt.  
Katniss found herself short of breath as well as she was holding it for too long.  
She tried to get up but stumbled violently, almost falling to the ground. Finnick grabbed her wrist and balanced her, his grip so firm he nearly split her hand in two. She placed both of her hands on her knees and looked around the small room helplessly, her eyes landing on Haymitch at last. He seemed angry, mad, or just both.  
"Go, just go", he hissed to her, showing his approval with a slight nod of his head.  
Her legs moved towards the door automatically, quickening her pace with every passing second. Finnick got up from the stool and moved towards the door as well. Haymitch simply blocked him by laying a hand on his shoulder, preventing any further movement from him.  
"You stay here", Haymitch commanded, his voice cold as ice. Finnick looked at him in the eye, measuring his chances. He could have toppled Haymitch quite easily, one punch in the right place and he would be paralyzed for a good measure of time, leaving the choice in his hands so he could catch up with Katniss.  
"Don't even think about it", Haymitch plainly said with a small smile. Finnick smiled sourly back.  
Haymitch looked at the clock etched on his arm with blue, digital ink and sighed heavily.  
"We have eight minutes, do you know anything about camera equipment?" he asked, his eyebrow uplifted.

"Why are you running?" She heard Peeta's voice as she crossed another hallway in search for him.  
She stopped on her tracks. Her burning lungs got her to realize she hasn't even noticed she's been running for quite some time. She looked around and found Peeta, leaning on a wall with a look of defeat not far from her. She walked towards the counter wall and leaned on it as well, her eyes buried in the floor.  
"What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice so small, it nearly came out as a whisper.  
"I got discharged. They said I was fine and I am able to participate in whatever activity they assign me to. I wanted to surprise you, but...", Peeta answered with a bit of formality in his voice, trying to disguise the trembling.  
Katniss nodded in response, a shadow of a smile plastered on her lips.  
"That's… good, I… I'm happy for you", she said slowly, trying to formulate the words.  
He got himself back to a standing position and started walking again. His move caught her by surprise, but she still managed to quickly follow his lead.  
"Where are you going?" she asked.  
"I might as well hospitalize myself again", he answered with a calm voice.  
"What? Why would you do that?" she asked, a shade of panic in her voice. She knew he tried to harm himself several times ever since he's been back.  
"Since everything you told me was a lie", he yelled this time, stopping on his tracks. Her heart started beating faster. She tried to approach him, yet he just started walking again, hiding his face from her sight, his steps loud with anger.  
"It wasn't, I swear, it wasn't", she said with desperation, trying to catch up with his furious pace. She started running again.  
He stopped again, turning around this time, a single tear shining on his right cheek.  
"I don't know what's real anymore, and it's all because of you", he spat angrily, not able to control his shaky voice.  
"It's not true, I can help you, nothing has changed", she answered weakly, looking for his eyes. He averted his gaze to the floor.  
"It's easy for you to say. You've been here all along, you could have said anything and I would have bought it", he said bitterly, wiping the tears out of his cheeks with the back of his hand.  
"Let me prove it to you then", she offered, taking another step towards him.  
"How?" he replied, lifting his head upwards to face her.  
"Ask me anything, real or not real. You have access to a lot of people now since you're not bound to your hospital bed anymore, so you can validate the information later if you'd like", she explained, surprised by her own move. She never thought it would come to that, to him questioning her realiability, not like this, and he hasn't even spoken a word about Finnick yet. A part of her hoped he wouldn't.  
Peeta chuckled bitterly.  
"I don't think anyone would be able to validate this".  
Katniss cocked her head aside a little, a puzzled look on her face.  
"You love me, real or not real?" he asked, watching as Katniss's expression changed from confusion to hurt and uncertainty.  
She clenched her jaw, not removing her gaze from his.  
She kept silent.  
There was no use to act like she misunderstood his meaning. They both knew what her answer would mean.  
Peeta nodded when nothing came out of her mouth.  
"Look, Finnick and I-" she started, hoping he would understand.  
"I don't want to talk about it", Peeta dismissed her, turning from her again, yet staying put for just a moment longer.  
Katniss choked on her words, mumbling a low "I…" and retreating again, feeling her throat clenching.  
"Maybe tomorrow then, Katniss", Peeta said as he started walking away from her, "Maybe tomorrow", he repeated and disappeared from her sight.  
Katniss closed her eyes as tears started to flow down her cheeks.  
She remembered these words. A light flash of blood, a dagger, Prim, a flying Mockingjay, Peeta… it all appeared and disappeared as she opened her eyes again, finding the hallway as empty as it was before, the lights dimmed.  
She started walking back, her feet barely dragging her body around. She knew it was far from over, and the thought only made her quiver. She wasn't ready, she's never ready.

"Godammit, I can't understand any of this", Finnick hissed in frustration as he continued pressing multiple buttons at once.  
"Stupid Capitol made shit, it's like they're against making things simple", Haymitch grumbled as he too pushed an endless amount of buttons.  
"Are you sure you saw-"  
"I'm sure. I know what I saw, we only have a minute before these morons come back", Haymitch replied swiftly, moving his fingers even faster.  
"Is everything okay?" They heard Cressida's voice greeting Katniss from the back of the room. Finnick and Haymitch took it as a cue to leave the equipment and take a few steps back as if nothing happened.  
Katniss looked like a mess as she entered the room, followed by Cressida, Pullox and Castor. She wasn't the same Katniss who left the room only ten minutes ago. She was broken.  
Finnick hurried over to her, but was stopped again by Haymitch, who placed his palm on his chest.  
"Don't", he hissed as low as he could. Finnick struggled with himself for a moment, yet decided against it and stayed put, a miserable look in his eyes.  
"Would you like to take a moment? We can wait", Cressida offered to Katniss, touching her shoulder with affection.  
"No, no, I'll just… sit here", Katniss said weakly, taking Cressida's offer.  
She lowered herself to the floor and brought her knees to her chin.  
"Okay then, you two, have a seat", Cressida referred to Haymitch and Finnick, "and Pullox, can you please check the equipment and make sure everything stands still?"  
Haymitch tensed, cursing everything and everyone. Finnick only looked at him with worry, hoping they might have succeeded by accident after all.  
As he operated the camera, Pullox signaled for his brother to come near, his eyebrows furrowed. Something was wrong.  
"Shit, shit", Finnick murmured.  
"Pullox says the camera stayed on during the break", Castor announced, a look of indifference on his face. Cressida hurried towards the two.  
"Let me see", she said and Pullox moved aside, letting her operate the camera instead.  
She pushed a few buttons and the white canvas behind the stool turned into a screen.  
The screen showed Finnick sitting there, an empty look in his eyes. A moment later, Katniss joined him. Everyone in the room could clearly hear the exchange. And then they kissed. Katniss lifted her head from her knees and watched the entire thing in horror, her eyes wide.  
"Fuck", Haymitch said and rubbed his forehead.  
Cressida quickly stopped the footage just as the camera captured Peeta's arrival in the middle of the kiss, his lips clenched, eyes dark from hurt and surprise.  
"Eh… okay then, Pullox get it off there, and just eh… delete it, we don't need that part", Cressida said, obviously uncomfortable.  
Finnick sighed in relief. The crew seemed trust worthy enough, and he knew they wouldn't say a thing.  
He looked over at Katniss, new tears in her eyes. He wanted to hold her, but realized Haymitch would simply stop him again from going.  
"I wouldn't necessarily do that", they heard a new voice, coming from the door as Pullox reached the camera again, his fingers in air, ready to do what he was commanded to.  
"Move aside, don't do anything", Coin said in a harsh tone, her lips curved into a smile.  
Pullox took a couple of steps back, bowing his head down like he was taught to do when he was still an Avox in the service of the Capitol.  
"I just came to see everything was going well," Coin said, her gaze falling on Finnick, who stirred in anger, ready to jump up and strangle her, "Surely, everything _is _well", Coin smirked when she noticed Finnick's inner conflict.  
"Soldiers Odair, Everdeen", she bowed her head in recognition and turned to leave, completely ignoring Haymitch's presence.  
"Wait, about the footage-" Cressida called after her.  
"Leave it on", Coin said, not facing them, "It would be great for the propos", she added lastly and left.  
Finnick sank further into the floor.  
Katniss jumped and started running towards the exit, deep hatred in her eyes.  
Finnick reacted quickly, got up and stopped her, forced to absorb every curse and blow from her fists.  
"Let me go! Let me kill her!" Katniss screamed in agony, struggling to free herself.  
"No killings, not today", Haymitch intervened, helping Finnick by grabbing both of her arms, dragging her to the other side of the room.  
"Get off me! Get off me!" she screamed, throwing her fists in the air and kicking both of the men with her strong legs.  
"Calm down, please, calm down", Finnick pleaded, growing desperate with every passing second as it got worse. Her nails found their way to his arm, drawing thick blood.  
Finnick growled in pain yet tightened his grip.  
She grew weary after a couple of minutes, and started crying hysterically again.  
"I'm so sorry, so sorry", she tried to apologize to Finnick, letting him pull her into his chest. He held her closely, stroking her back with his good arm. The wound in the other one switched colors as blood continued flowing down to his fingers.  
He ignored the pain so he could hold her for a while longer. The pain in his chest was so much worse. Haymitch nodded, finally granting Finnick the permission he needed and left the room with the crew. Filming was done for today. He closed his eyes and cherished the feeling of her against him, fitting perfectly into him like a puzzle.  
"It's okay", he whispered as her sobs quieted down gradually. "I love you", he told her softly. At last, it felt right.


	15. Stopped Running

**A/N** - _I am so so sorry for the long wait, I was totally out of inspiration. But on to the bright side - I'm back! and this one is really kinky and smutty (you've been warned ;) so there's your award for keeping up with me! Also a biggg thank you for all of the reviewers/followers/favorites, it warms my heart, it really does! You're more than welcome to keep going. Enjoy! (I would bring a fan if I were you. An open window would do too. It's going to be hot~)_

* * *

**Stopped Running**

"As a sister, I hope", they heard Gale's voice coming through the doorway. Finnick clenched his teeth. _Every single time_.  
"Katniss, can we talk?" he said, a hint of amusement in his voice.  
Finnick stayed put, still holding her in his arms. To his disappointment she stirred lightly, letting him know she's going through with it. As she got up and walked towards Gale, he tried to get a glimpse of her face. Her expression was blank, lips sealed. Every sentiment within his body wanted to protest. She couldn't just _leave_ without saying anything. He decided to wait. He will wait.

"What?" Katniss asked bluntly, obvious distress in her shaky voice. She looked somewhat relived.  
"This must be a bad time", Gale said, trying to joke around.  
"Really? Really?" she asked and punched his shoulder.  
"Aw! Fine", he raised both of his hands in surrender.  
"What do you want, Gale?" she asked and turned her head, sneaking a look at Finnick, who was still sitting in place, obviously waiting. She mumbled something and furrowed her eyebrows.  
"Do you want to do this another time or…" Gale started and got interrupted by another punch to the other shoulder.  
"You're already here, you already ruined it, what the hell is it that you want?" she asked, her teeth clenched. Something told Gale he might have just saved her after all. She wanted to be rescued deep within her. He decided not to say anything. She was already triggered.  
"I heard about the… footage. I'm sorry about that", he admitted and dropped his eyes. The slight envy was still there, they both knew. Katniss nodded in appreciation. She realized it was difficult for him to say such a thing.  
"Look… I uh… I just wanted to tell you I want you back. As a friend. I know I screwed everything up several times and I'm just really… well, sorry", he said, his voice genuine.  
Katniss smiled weakly.  
" I really needed you to say that", she admitted silently. He smiled back.  
"And as much as I'm glad that you came in to make amends and I've missed my friend, you really _do_ have to work on your timing", she whispered the last part and wrinkled her nose. He chuckled in response.  
"I thought you wanted out of there", he said, his eyebrows lifting upwards.  
"I did. I still do, a little. I'm just so tired of chasing my own tail and running from my own issues. This place is small as it is", she confessed in his ears. It was nice to be able to talk sincerely to someone once again. He nodded in consent.  
"What are you going to tell him?" he asked, obvious curious in his voice. She furrowed her eyebrows and nodded to herself.  
"The truth", she replied.  
"Good. Come see me later?" he asked and waved goodbye as he started walking away.  
"Sure", she answered in a low voice. She thought about this moment for too long, but it never seemed right in her mind. How is she supposed to talk to him? What is she to say? She turned to take a glimpse at him. He was still sitting at the same spot. He was still waiting.

"Hey…" she said as she approached him. He lifted his eyes from the ground. They were lit.  
She knelt before him, studying his expression. He was worried.  
"I love you", he said with a confident voice. "This wasn't a spur of the moment, Katniss. I do love you", he added. She stroked his cheek in response, but said nothing.  
"I'm in love with you", he said a little bit more frantically, his body tensing up.  
"I know. I just… What do you want me to say?" she retorted, searching for his eyes.  
Finnick jumped up in his sit in disbelief. Never in hell he would have thought it'd go down that way.  
"What do I want you to say? I… godammit", he hissed, his jaw clenched up tightly. He shook his head, his eyes closed. Katniss gulped. She was never the one to make these things the right way, and apparently, she hasn't learned a thing.  
"I didn't mean it like that… I do… I mean, love", she said in a shaky voice, stroking both of his cheeks, trying to make him look at her, "you. I mean you. I love you", she mumbled. The uncertainty in her own voice got her to panic; nearly convincing her it wasn't truly how she felt, but something within her told her that it is. She's been feeling it for so long.  
"I love you, Finnick. I love you", she repeated over and over until he started smiling, pulling her against him.  
"Say that again", he requested in her ear.  
"I can't, it will lose meaning", she answered and buried her nose in the crook of his neck. Her favorite part of him, where it was warm and smelt just like the sea. She could almost hear the seagulls flying above the shore. He felt like home. A new home.  
"It will never lose meaning, not from you", he assured her, stroking her back as gently as he could. She felt so fragile in his hands, but at last, she felt _his_.  
"We can't, Finnick", she whispered painfully, expecting a change in his mood, disappointment. Nothing happened. He kept holding her.  
"I knew you wouldn't greet me with a bunch of roses and a warm bath. I know that we can't, I knew that you'd say that. I know you, and I don't mind waiting as long as I know that I still have you, even at heart", he said and pulled her away from his neck, cupping her face with both of his palms, his fingers tracing every single freckle on her nose. He found it irresistible. She was the child of the sun. She was the goddess of the sun to him.  
"You would wait?" she asked as she relaxed towards his touch.  
"Forever, if I have to", he said, kissing her gently on the lips, once, twice, savoring the taste, the feel, _her_. He could clearly feel her smiling through the kiss.  
"What about Hayden?" she asked, biting her lip.  
"She always had this stupid crush on me ever since I met her on 4. She was always more than a sister to me. She'll get over it", he shrugged, and kissed her twice more. Katniss chuckled lightly. He was always so careless and free, she had to envy him at some point.  
"What about Peeta?" Finnick asked, mocking her by biting his lip and bating his eyelashes. Katniss laughed and smacked his chest.  
"He always had this stupid crush on me ever since the 7th grade. I even had to play his pregnant bride. He'll get over it", she said with a smile, mocking him in return.  
"Good, now can I have you all to myself?" he asked and kissed her eyelids, nose, cheeks and chin. "Patience is a virtue", She chuckled and pushed him away.  
"I still do care about him though, Finnick. I don't want to hurt him. It's one of the reasons we can't…" she said in a more serious tone, getting him to focus.  
"I get it. I feel bad about the entire footage thing as it is. He's been through a lot of things", Finnick admitted knowingly. The Capitol was never much of a 'kind host' to its guests. Katniss nodded in agreement.  
"I'm done being gloomy though", Finnick said while getting up. He reached out his hand for her to grab. "You coming?" He asked with mischief and a devilish grin.  
Katniss tilted her head aside in confusion, her grin turning her in for teasing.  
"Well?" he raised an eyebrow.  
Katniss chuckled and grabbed his hand, letting him pull her forward out of the room. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" she laughed hysterically as she started running after him.  
"Oh, you better be saying that 20 minutes from now, and you better scream my name", he purred and started running faster.

In less than two minutes, they were back to his chambers. He kicked the door closed right after they entered the room, and wasted no valuable time as he pinned her roughly to the closest wall, his hands roaming every single curve on her body.  
She started fiddling with the buttons of his uniform jacket while they kissed fervently, their tongues mingling and fighting for dominance. When the last button refused to open, she simply ripped it off and pushed the material over his shoulders, her hands already finding their way under his shirt, caressing every single muscle on his broad chest. He lifted his shirt over his head and helped her out of hers, his hands gently cupping her breasts beyond her bra.

"Oh god, I've missed this", he whispered in her ear, nipping it with his teeth.  
She moaned in response and pulled herself away from the wall, allowing him to open the clasp of her bra. As soon as it fell to the floor, one of her rosy nipples already found the way to his mouth. She threw her head back in ecstasy as his tongue swirled around her flesh, making her nipple harder with every passing second. He started kissing down her stomach, leaving wet trails especially at her belly button. She squirmed in excitement. One of his hands found her way to her lips, tugging at them a little, signaling her to look at him. She entered one of his fingers to her mouth, sucking on it as she dropped her gaze, watching him opening her zipper with his bare teeth, looking at her all along, his eyes dark with lust. He peeled both of her underwear and pants down, teasing her folds with his nose first. She bit her lip so hard she nearly hurt herself. She grabbed his hair with both of her hands and held him right where she wanted him to be. Finnick took the hint and started lapping up on her already wet folds, stopping to tease her sensitive clit with his teeth, grazing it ever so lightly. Katniss panted heavily, her nails scraping his scalp. She nearly fell apart when he inserted a couple of fingers inside of her, magnifying the sensation even more.  
Her eyes rolled to the back of her skull as she was trying to steady herself when his pace got a lot faster.  
"Stop… stop", she said weakly as she felt she was going to come. He didn't stop, he just continued, making her legs quiver as she came hard, shaking violently, screaming his name.  
He kept teasing her sensitive numb a little while longer until she couldn't take it anymore. She pulled him up by his arms and pushed him towards the bed, kissing him all along, tasting herself on his lips. She pushed him on the bed non too gently and climbed on top of him, straddling him with her legs.

"Finally, a bed", she said with a grin as she kissed down his neck.  
"Don't you miss the shower?" he asked with a devilish grin, his hands rubbing her back.  
"Shut up", she commanded and stripped him of his remaining clothes, allowing his already raging erection to spring free. He growled deeply as she took him into her mouth, swirling her tongue around the tip and going down as far as she could, her other hand stroking his length.  
"Fuck", he hissed and threw his head back as his hips couldn't help but buckle upwards, one of his hands guiding her head as she went up and down.  
She stopped and slid all the way up along his body to face him, making sure she rubs against him in the process. "Uh… you're a freaking tease", he grunted and grabbed her waist, making small circles on her flesh with his thumbs.  
"Payback's a bitch", she responded as she guided him into her entrance, sliding herself all the way down on him as hard as she could.  
His loud moan served as her reward.  
Finnick propped himself on his elbows, watching her glorious figure riding on top of him. He pulled her down for a mesmerizing kiss.  
"I will never let you go, ever", he whispered in her ear, pumping in and out of her like a slow torture, making her feel every single nerve electricity inside of her. She moaned and 'I love you' in his ear as a response, keeping with the agonizing slow pace, learning to appreciate his body, his being.  
He could feel her walls starting to clench around him.  
He grabbed one of her hands and guided it downwards, making her touch herself, his hand never leaving hers.  
"Oh god… I-" her shallow breaths indicated her coming release.  
He quickened the pace, letting her fully experience her orgasm that came crushing down on both of them, helping Finnick to reach his own with a loud grunt.  
As both of their bodies still shook from their intense love making, He kissed her sweetly on the lips, whispering as many 'I love you's' as he could. Suddenly he felt the pain of not being able to hold her hand in the halls, of not being able to kiss her in public, to look, but not touch.  
But then he knew that it doesn't matter, as long as she's his. At last, she was his.


End file.
